1 00:00:18,172 --> 00:00:21,642 (Arsenic and Old Lace title music) 2 00:01:17,812 --> 00:01:20,884 I'll knock your block off, you big stiff! You're a bum! 3 00:01:23,892 --> 00:01:27,362 (Comical dramatic instrumental music) 4 00:01:30,772 --> 00:01:32,251 UMPIRE: Strike! You're out! 5 00:01:55,972 --> 00:01:57,724 WOMAN: (Giggling) Elmer, here it is. 6 00:01:57,812 --> 00:01:59,404 REPORTER: I knew you'd find it. 7 00:01:59,492 --> 00:02:01,608 PHOTOGRAPHER: Boy, I could sure use a drink. 8 00:02:02,972 --> 00:02:05,566 I wonder if any big shots are getting married today? 9 00:02:08,092 --> 00:02:10,890 Looks like the same suckers get married every day. 10 00:02:11,052 --> 00:02:12,041 Come on. 11 00:02:12,412 --> 00:02:14,482 Hey, the guy with the cheaters. 12 00:02:16,452 --> 00:02:19,444 (Slow instrumental music) 13 00:02:20,492 --> 00:02:22,210 Now what's he hiding from? 14 00:02:26,972 --> 00:02:31,045 -Hey, isn't that Mortimer Brewster? -Mortimer Brewster, the dramatic critic? 15 00:02:33,212 --> 00:02:35,806 No, it's not him. But what a scoop it'd be! 16 00:02:35,932 --> 00:02:40,323 The guy who wroteThe Bachelor's Bible getting hooked. It's too good to be true. 17 00:02:40,412 --> 00:02:42,767 Let's snap the mayor in his new fire helmet and go. 18 00:02:42,852 --> 00:02:44,808 Let's stick around, see who the guy is. 19 00:02:44,892 --> 00:02:47,452 (Sings) "Two by two they come and go" 20 00:02:47,532 --> 00:02:49,443 Good morning, children. Your name, please? 21 00:02:49,532 --> 00:02:51,887 ELAINE: Elaine Harper. CLERK: Speak a little louder. 22 00:02:51,972 --> 00:02:52,961 Elaine Harper. 23 00:02:53,492 --> 00:02:55,005 Thank you. Yours? 24 00:02:57,532 --> 00:02:59,682 -(Whispers) Mortimer Brewster. -How's that? 25 00:03:01,292 --> 00:03:02,691 Mortimer Brewster. 26 00:03:02,772 --> 00:03:05,525 CLERK: Speak up, sonny. There's nothing to be afraid of. 27 00:03:11,932 --> 00:03:13,570 I want to keep this undercover. 28 00:03:13,652 --> 00:03:16,849 Love her? Of course you love her. You're marrying her, right? 29 00:03:16,932 --> 00:03:18,684 You don't understand. Come here. 30 00:03:18,772 --> 00:03:20,808 I don't want this to get out for a while. 31 00:03:20,892 --> 00:03:22,610 I'm Mortimer Brewster. 32 00:03:23,132 --> 00:03:24,121 You're who? 33 00:03:24,212 --> 00:03:25,725 MORTIMER: (Yells) Mortimer Brew-- 34 00:03:26,652 --> 00:03:28,847 (The Wedding March plays) 35 00:03:29,572 --> 00:03:30,687 That's him! 36 00:03:31,732 --> 00:03:33,131 REPORTER: Mr. Brewster! 37 00:03:40,812 --> 00:03:42,245 Now, look-- 38 00:03:42,932 --> 00:03:44,365 MORTIMER: Goodbye, dear. 39 00:03:49,132 --> 00:03:51,600 MORTIMER: Don't you understand? How can I marry you? 40 00:03:51,692 --> 00:03:54,843 Me, the symbol of bachelorhood. I've sneered at every love scene. 41 00:03:54,932 --> 00:03:57,162 I've written four million words against marriage! 42 00:03:57,252 --> 00:04:01,291 Not only hooked, but to a minister's daughter, and a girl from Brooklyn. 43 00:04:01,372 --> 00:04:04,648 Look at the way you look! What is that contraption you've got there? 44 00:04:04,972 --> 00:04:08,647 A pin I borrowed from your aunts. You know, "Something borrowed--" 45 00:04:08,732 --> 00:04:11,565 I know, "Something borrowed, something blue." Old, new. 46 00:04:11,652 --> 00:04:14,086 Rice and old shoes. Carry you over the threshold. 47 00:04:14,172 --> 00:04:17,164 Niagara Falls. All that silly tripe. Is this what I've come to? 48 00:04:17,252 --> 00:04:19,971 I can't go through with it. I won't marry you. That's that. 49 00:04:20,052 --> 00:04:22,885 -Yes, Mortimer. -What do you mean, "Yes, Mortimer"? 50 00:04:23,172 --> 00:04:25,367 Aren't you insulted? Aren't you going to cry? 51 00:04:25,452 --> 00:04:28,330 -No, Mortimer. -And don't "No, Mortimer" me, either! 52 00:04:28,452 --> 00:04:30,283 Marriage is a superstition. 53 00:04:30,492 --> 00:04:32,369 It's old-fashioned. It's.... 54 00:04:44,012 --> 00:04:47,084 (The Wedding March continues) 55 00:05:15,972 --> 00:05:18,440 O'Hara, don't be a jerk. You don't realize... 56 00:05:18,532 --> 00:05:21,444 ...l'm turning over to you the nicest, best beat in Brooklyn. 57 00:05:21,532 --> 00:05:24,330 Now look at that old church. And them old houses. 58 00:05:25,052 --> 00:05:27,008 Did George Washington ever sleep here? 59 00:05:27,092 --> 00:05:30,721 Of course he did. This whole neighborhood just stinks with atmosphere. 60 00:05:31,252 --> 00:05:34,244 -And look at that old house. -The original owners still there? 61 00:05:34,332 --> 00:05:36,846 BROPHY: Don't crack wise about the Brewster sisters. 62 00:05:36,932 --> 00:05:40,766 They're two of the dearest, sweetest old ladies that ever walked the earth. 63 00:05:40,852 --> 00:05:42,604 They're out of this world. 64 00:05:43,332 --> 00:05:46,563 They're like pressed rose leaves. 65 00:05:46,852 --> 00:05:48,126 Pressed rose leaves? 66 00:05:49,612 --> 00:05:51,728 PAT: The old girls must be kind of hard up. 67 00:05:52,332 --> 00:05:54,448 Their old man left them fixed for life. 68 00:05:54,532 --> 00:05:56,602 Don't you call them "the girls," either. 69 00:05:56,692 --> 00:05:58,284 Brophy. Is Lieutenant around? 70 00:05:58,372 --> 00:06:00,169 So what are they renting rooms for? 71 00:06:00,252 --> 00:06:03,369 They don't. But you can bet if anybody came looking for a room... 72 00:06:03,452 --> 00:06:06,649 ...they wouldn't go away without a good meal and a couple of bucks. 73 00:06:07,892 --> 00:06:10,770 BROPHY: That's their way of digging up people to do good to. 74 00:06:10,892 --> 00:06:12,769 (Harpsichord music plays) 75 00:06:17,932 --> 00:06:21,129 Reverend Harper, I do hope you don't disapprove of Mortimer... 76 00:06:21,212 --> 00:06:25,444 ...because he's a dramatic critic and takes your daughter to the theater. 77 00:06:25,732 --> 00:06:28,292 It's not that I disapprove of his being a critic... 78 00:06:28,372 --> 00:06:31,728 ...but no man with this published attitude... 79 00:06:33,652 --> 00:06:36,724 ...should take any man's daughter anyplace, at any time. 80 00:06:36,852 --> 00:06:37,921 (Loud sneeze) 81 00:06:39,332 --> 00:06:40,970 I must be catching cold. 82 00:06:41,052 --> 00:06:44,044 ABBY: No, dear. It was Reverend Harper who sneezed. Bless you. 83 00:06:45,572 --> 00:06:47,642 ABBY: We mustn't be angry with Mortimer. 84 00:06:47,732 --> 00:06:51,725 He's so very much in love with her. Sister Martha and I are so happy. 85 00:06:52,012 --> 00:06:55,049 He used to come to see us only occasionally, and now... 86 00:06:55,212 --> 00:06:57,442 ...he's in Brooklyn six nights a week. 87 00:06:58,852 --> 00:07:00,968 BROPHY: Remember now, watch your language. 88 00:07:01,052 --> 00:07:03,008 PAT: You know I'm not a swearing man. 89 00:07:03,092 --> 00:07:05,845 BROPHY: You'd be surprised what they'd consider swearing. 90 00:07:06,052 --> 00:07:07,690 (Doorbell rings) 91 00:07:08,132 --> 00:07:11,841 Will you excuse me? No, no, Teddy, dear. Thank you. I'll go. 92 00:07:14,492 --> 00:07:18,167 -Come right in, Mr. Brophy. -Miss Abby, we came for the toys. 93 00:07:18,292 --> 00:07:20,886 This is Officer O'Hara. He's taking over my beat. 94 00:07:20,972 --> 00:07:23,930 PAT: How do you do, miss? ABBY: Welcome to our neighborhood. 95 00:07:24,012 --> 00:07:26,162 Gentlemen, what news have you brought me? 96 00:07:26,452 --> 00:07:28,568 Colonel, we have nothing to report. 97 00:07:31,052 --> 00:07:33,282 No, absolutely nothing to report. 98 00:07:34,092 --> 00:07:35,366 Splendid! 99 00:07:35,572 --> 00:07:37,688 Thank you, gentlemen. At ease. 100 00:07:39,012 --> 00:07:42,084 You know the Reverend Dr. Harper from the church next door? 101 00:07:42,172 --> 00:07:45,482 Hello. This is Officer O'Hara, the new man on the beat. 102 00:07:45,572 --> 00:07:48,086 PAT: How do you do, sir? It's nice to meet you. 103 00:07:51,212 --> 00:07:55,000 The toys are on the chair up here, by the library door. 104 00:07:58,212 --> 00:08:02,808 Teddy, run upstairs and bring down your Army and Navy from Aunt Martha's room. 105 00:08:02,892 --> 00:08:04,291 They're all packed. 106 00:08:05,932 --> 00:08:08,127 REV. HARPER: That's splendid work you men do... 107 00:08:08,212 --> 00:08:10,567 ...fixing up discarded toys for the kids at camp. 108 00:08:10,652 --> 00:08:11,607 (Shouts) Charge! 109 00:08:14,332 --> 00:08:16,402 (Door slams, clock chimes) 110 00:08:18,492 --> 00:08:20,483 (lndulgent laughter) 111 00:08:20,572 --> 00:08:24,247 It gives us something to do at the station. You get tired of playing cards. 112 00:08:31,292 --> 00:08:34,125 BROPHY: So these are the toys? ABBY: How's Mrs. Brophy? 113 00:08:34,212 --> 00:08:36,931 She's better, thank you. But a little weak, still. 114 00:08:37,012 --> 00:08:39,651 I'll get some beef broth for you to take to her. 115 00:08:39,732 --> 00:08:42,451 Please don't bother. You've done so much already. 116 00:08:42,572 --> 00:08:44,961 ABBY: Stop the nonsense! I won't be a minute. 117 00:08:45,652 --> 00:08:47,643 (Cheery instrumental music) 118 00:08:50,012 --> 00:08:54,563 Gentlemen, if I know what pure kindness and absolute generosity are... 119 00:08:54,812 --> 00:08:57,531 ...it's because I've known the Brewster sisters. 120 00:08:57,612 --> 00:08:59,603 (Bugle blows) 121 00:09:02,012 --> 00:09:04,845 BROPHY: Teddy, you promised me you wouldn't do that anymore. 122 00:09:04,932 --> 00:09:07,730 But I have to call a Cabinet meeting to get those supplies. 123 00:09:08,012 --> 00:09:10,446 BROPHY: Now don't do that again. Do you hear me? 124 00:09:10,532 --> 00:09:12,523 (Door slams, clock chimes) 125 00:09:14,252 --> 00:09:16,083 BROPHY: He used to do that at night... 126 00:09:16,172 --> 00:09:18,811 ...and the neighbors raised Cain. They're afraid of him. 127 00:09:18,892 --> 00:09:22,282 Look, Sarge, I promised I wouldn't swear, but what the heck-- 128 00:09:22,932 --> 00:09:24,206 What's going on here? 129 00:09:24,292 --> 00:09:26,886 -He's quite harmless. -He thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt. 130 00:09:26,972 --> 00:09:29,770 There's a lot of worse guys he could think he was. 131 00:09:32,092 --> 00:09:33,286 That's right. 132 00:09:33,412 --> 00:09:35,767 I'll make a note. He's an interesting character. 133 00:09:35,852 --> 00:09:37,570 Isn't it a shame, Father.... 134 00:09:38,052 --> 00:09:42,091 Isn't it a shame, Reverend, that this nice family should be hatching a cuckoo? 135 00:09:43,452 --> 00:09:45,488 Well, now, isn't this nice! 136 00:09:45,572 --> 00:09:48,484 BROPHY: Good afternoon, Miss Brewster. MARTHA: How do you do? 137 00:09:48,572 --> 00:09:51,245 -Good afternoon. -Reverend, how do you do? 138 00:09:51,372 --> 00:09:54,011 Miss Martha, Officer O'Hara. He's taking over my duties. 139 00:09:54,092 --> 00:09:55,207 How do you do? 140 00:09:55,292 --> 00:09:57,931 MARTHA: I'm very glad to know you. PAT: Thank you. 141 00:09:58,692 --> 00:10:00,125 ABBY: Martha, you're back. 142 00:10:00,212 --> 00:10:03,249 ABBY: Here's the broth. Be sure it's good and hot. 143 00:10:03,332 --> 00:10:05,641 BROPHY: You bet I will, and thank you very much. 144 00:10:05,732 --> 00:10:07,848 The Army and Navy are ready for action. 145 00:10:08,052 --> 00:10:11,089 BROPHY: Colonel, this is grand. It'll make a lot of kids happy. 146 00:10:11,172 --> 00:10:13,083 What's this? The Oregon? 147 00:10:13,332 --> 00:10:15,163 Teddy, dear, put it back. 148 00:10:15,412 --> 00:10:18,245 TEDDY: But the Oregon goes to Australia. ABBY: Now, Teddy.... 149 00:10:18,332 --> 00:10:19,811 No, it goes to Australia. 150 00:10:19,972 --> 00:10:22,964 BROPHY: These are lovely. Thank you. ABBY: Not at all. 151 00:10:25,252 --> 00:10:28,244 BROPHY: The children will go crazy. MARTHA: Don't mention it. 152 00:10:28,492 --> 00:10:29,845 So long, Colonel. 153 00:10:31,052 --> 00:10:32,246 Hey, Sarge. 154 00:10:32,692 --> 00:10:33,886 Yes. 155 00:10:35,652 --> 00:10:36,721 Dismissed! 156 00:10:37,652 --> 00:10:40,325 BROPHY: Goodbye and thank you. ABBY: Don't mention it. 157 00:10:40,492 --> 00:10:43,404 ABBY: Careful of the step with the toys. BROPHY: Good night. 158 00:10:47,372 --> 00:10:49,681 Young man, let that be a lesson to you. 159 00:10:53,772 --> 00:10:55,251 Goodbye. 160 00:10:58,492 --> 00:11:01,290 REV. HARPER: Well, I must be going. TEDDY: (Shouts) Charge! 161 00:11:02,692 --> 00:11:04,410 Charge the blockhouse! 162 00:11:06,852 --> 00:11:08,331 (Clock chimes) 163 00:11:11,012 --> 00:11:12,161 Blockhouse? 164 00:11:13,132 --> 00:11:15,407 The stairs are always San Juan Hill. 165 00:11:16,452 --> 00:11:17,521 Bless you! 166 00:11:17,732 --> 00:11:20,041 Have you tried to persuade him he wasn't Roosevelt? 167 00:11:20,132 --> 00:11:23,329 -Oh, no! -He's so happy being Teddy Roosevelt. 168 00:11:23,772 --> 00:11:25,808 ABBY: Do you remember, Martha? 169 00:11:26,012 --> 00:11:29,402 Once, a long time ago, we thought if he'd be George Washington... 170 00:11:29,492 --> 00:11:32,211 ...it might be a change for him, and we suggested it. 171 00:11:32,492 --> 00:11:34,323 And do you know what happened? 172 00:11:34,412 --> 00:11:37,802 He just stayed under his bed for days and wouldn't be anybody. 173 00:11:38,692 --> 00:11:42,162 Well, if he's happy, and what's more important, you're happy.... 174 00:11:42,292 --> 00:11:44,852 MARTHA: Our only worry for Teddy is after we're gone. 175 00:11:45,052 --> 00:11:47,486 REV. HARPER: Yes, indeed. That is quite a problem. 176 00:11:47,572 --> 00:11:50,040 Mortimer's made all the arrangements for Teddy... 177 00:11:50,132 --> 00:11:52,965 ...to go to Happy Dale Sanitarium after we pass on. 178 00:11:53,052 --> 00:11:55,441 Splendid idea! A very pleasant place. 179 00:11:57,252 --> 00:11:59,720 (Cheery instrumental music) 180 00:11:59,972 --> 00:12:01,803 Dear, sweet Reverend Harper. 181 00:12:04,372 --> 00:12:07,762 You know, Martha, I do believe he's beginning to see the light. 182 00:12:07,852 --> 00:12:09,683 I'm sure we needn't worry about him. 183 00:12:09,772 --> 00:12:12,969 He won't interfere with our plans for Mortimer and Elaine. 184 00:12:13,932 --> 00:12:15,684 Did you just have tea? 185 00:12:15,852 --> 00:12:16,728 Yes. 186 00:12:17,572 --> 00:12:20,211 And dinner's going to be late, too. 187 00:12:20,852 --> 00:12:22,171 So, why? 188 00:12:22,292 --> 00:12:23,771 (Door slams) 189 00:12:26,532 --> 00:12:28,284 ABBY: Good news for you. 190 00:12:28,372 --> 00:12:31,921 You're going to Panama and dig another lock for the canal. 191 00:12:32,372 --> 00:12:34,124 Delighted! 192 00:12:34,372 --> 00:12:36,283 That's bully! Just bully! 193 00:12:36,532 --> 00:12:38,921 I shall prepare at once for the journey. 194 00:12:41,052 --> 00:12:42,610 TEDDY: Charge! 195 00:12:44,652 --> 00:12:45,926 (Door slams) 196 00:12:46,092 --> 00:12:47,969 (Cheery instrumental music) 197 00:12:48,052 --> 00:12:50,088 Abby! While I was out? 198 00:12:50,172 --> 00:12:52,606 Yes, dear. I just couldn't wait for you. 199 00:12:52,772 --> 00:12:55,923 I didn't know when you'd be back, and Reverend Harper was coming. 200 00:12:56,012 --> 00:12:59,049 -But all by yourself. -I got along fine. 201 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:01,772 -I'll run right downstairs and see. -No, dear. 202 00:13:01,932 --> 00:13:04,969 There wasn't time. And I was all alone. 203 00:13:08,052 --> 00:13:08,962 Well? 204 00:13:11,692 --> 00:13:14,206 Just look in the windowseat. 205 00:13:20,532 --> 00:13:22,921 (Light instrumental music) 206 00:13:24,972 --> 00:13:25,848 (Knock on window) 207 00:13:25,932 --> 00:13:28,241 MARTHA: It's Elaine! ELAINE: Hello, darlings. 208 00:13:31,052 --> 00:13:33,043 -But, Elaine! -What did she mean? 209 00:13:33,252 --> 00:13:35,402 You don't suppose they've gone and-- 210 00:13:36,092 --> 00:13:37,286 Elaine! 211 00:13:37,412 --> 00:13:39,801 (The Wedding March plays) 212 00:13:40,092 --> 00:13:41,047 Listen, buddy. 213 00:13:41,132 --> 00:13:44,602 -This old cab has seen osculation but.... -You ain't seen anything yet. 214 00:13:44,692 --> 00:13:47,286 -You've got to drive us to the station. -Take her hat. 215 00:13:47,732 --> 00:13:49,962 CAB DRIVER: Wait a minute. And her brooch. 216 00:13:50,092 --> 00:13:52,845 If you find her hairpins, keep them. Hold on to that. 217 00:13:56,892 --> 00:13:58,120 There they are. 218 00:13:58,692 --> 00:13:59,966 Here's your hat. 219 00:14:00,812 --> 00:14:03,280 Just throw it. I don't like that look in your eyes. 220 00:14:03,372 --> 00:14:07,206 -What's the matter with it? -Father preached about it only last Sunday. 221 00:14:07,652 --> 00:14:09,324 He did? What did he say? 222 00:14:09,452 --> 00:14:12,091 -He was against it. -But that was only Sunday. 223 00:14:13,172 --> 00:14:15,367 (Light, playful instrumental music) 224 00:14:15,732 --> 00:14:17,563 Please! For heaven's sake! 225 00:14:17,732 --> 00:14:20,326 But, Mortimer, right out here with everyone looking? 226 00:14:20,412 --> 00:14:22,880 Yes, right out here with everyone looking. 227 00:14:22,972 --> 00:14:25,042 Let everyone in Brooklyn over 16 look. 228 00:14:26,092 --> 00:14:28,083 (Abby and Martha giggle) 229 00:14:30,052 --> 00:14:31,531 (Mortimer grunts) 230 00:14:34,812 --> 00:14:37,884 But, Mortimer, you're going to love me for my mind, too? 231 00:14:38,012 --> 00:14:39,570 One thing at a time. 232 00:14:39,652 --> 00:14:41,290 ELAINE: There's that look again! 233 00:14:43,332 --> 00:14:46,449 "There's that look again, Mortimer! " You better get used to it. 234 00:14:46,532 --> 00:14:49,251 You'll see it often. It goes just before this. 235 00:14:51,052 --> 00:14:53,168 You know what we're doing? Wasting time. 236 00:14:53,252 --> 00:14:55,288 I'll go tell my aunts and you tell your.... 237 00:14:55,372 --> 00:14:58,728 No, don't tell your father. You'll run his cold into a pneumonia. 238 00:14:58,852 --> 00:15:00,888 I can handle Father. He's a dear. 239 00:15:00,972 --> 00:15:03,770 Look, why don't we wire him from Niagara Falls? 240 00:15:04,172 --> 00:15:05,571 Niagara Falls? 241 00:15:06,172 --> 00:15:08,128 That's why you stopped at your office. 242 00:15:08,212 --> 00:15:10,601 Yes, certainly! We're going to go the whole hog. 243 00:15:10,692 --> 00:15:13,126 Niagara Falls! Everybody ought to go there. 244 00:15:13,332 --> 00:15:15,721 You should've seen my secretary's face. 245 00:15:15,812 --> 00:15:18,690 We've a room on the train, the bridal suite in the hotel... 246 00:15:18,772 --> 00:15:21,525 ...and tomorrow morning we go over the falls in a barrel. 247 00:15:22,692 --> 00:15:24,410 Go on, darling, hurry and pack. 248 00:15:24,492 --> 00:15:27,245 I don't have to. I started packing the day after I met you. 249 00:15:27,332 --> 00:15:29,129 MORTIMER: There, you see! You see? 250 00:15:29,252 --> 00:15:32,130 That's what I mean. That's what I hate about women. 251 00:15:33,052 --> 00:15:35,247 (Slow instrumental music) 252 00:15:35,532 --> 00:15:37,568 I wonder what Mary's doing now? 253 00:15:41,972 --> 00:15:44,964 -The train leaves in an hour, hurry. -It'll be a few minutes. 254 00:15:45,052 --> 00:15:47,964 -Father may want to pray over me. -Whistle when you're ready. 255 00:15:48,052 --> 00:15:49,041 Elaine? 256 00:15:49,132 --> 00:15:51,043 When you whistle, open the front door fast. 257 00:15:51,132 --> 00:15:54,488 If you see a tall, dark streak of light, it's me. 258 00:15:57,652 --> 00:15:59,324 (Elaine whistles) 259 00:16:00,172 --> 00:16:01,127 What? Now? 260 00:16:01,212 --> 00:16:02,361 No, not now! 261 00:16:03,532 --> 00:16:05,523 Look surprised when he tells us. 262 00:16:08,172 --> 00:16:09,491 Hold on to your bustles. 263 00:16:09,572 --> 00:16:11,767 We're married. Elaine and I are married. 264 00:16:11,852 --> 00:16:13,729 ABBY: Oh, darling, how wonderful! 265 00:16:13,812 --> 00:16:15,882 Isn't it wonderful? They're married! 266 00:16:15,972 --> 00:16:19,442 Don't pretend to be so surprised either, you two old frauds. 267 00:16:19,972 --> 00:16:22,611 MORTIMER: Can I use the telephone? ABBY: Of course. 268 00:16:22,692 --> 00:16:24,808 Isn't it too, too wonderful? 269 00:16:24,892 --> 00:16:27,884 And to think that it happened right here in this room! 270 00:16:28,052 --> 00:16:29,280 Now, here. 271 00:16:30,412 --> 00:16:32,642 Benson's Florists? This is Mortimer Brewster. 272 00:16:32,732 --> 00:16:35,405 Did you send those roses to Mrs. Brewster? Good. 273 00:16:35,492 --> 00:16:38,802 Send four dozen more to drawing room A, Grand Central Station. 274 00:16:38,892 --> 00:16:41,690 Hurry. And throw in a flock of orange blossoms. 275 00:16:41,812 --> 00:16:44,246 But before you go, we can have our celebration. 276 00:16:44,332 --> 00:16:46,482 I'll open a bottle of wine and we'll sing. 277 00:16:46,572 --> 00:16:48,324 And we'll invite a few neighbors in. 278 00:16:48,412 --> 00:16:51,961 -And, of course, a wedding cake. -You won't have time to bake a cake. 279 00:16:52,092 --> 00:16:54,287 We're going to Niagara Falls. A taxi's waiting. 280 00:16:54,372 --> 00:16:56,681 It's all ready. It's been ready since-- 281 00:16:56,772 --> 00:16:59,240 I bet it's been ready since the first day I met her. 282 00:16:59,332 --> 00:17:01,892 Did everybody know I was getting married, except me? 283 00:17:01,972 --> 00:17:04,486 We knew you'd find out about it in time. 284 00:17:06,252 --> 00:17:08,482 I've got the two nicest aunts in the world. 285 00:17:08,572 --> 00:17:11,245 Of course, you've got the nicest nephew in the world, too. 286 00:17:11,692 --> 00:17:14,252 MARTHA: Well, I'll run along and get everything ready. 287 00:17:14,972 --> 00:17:17,770 Oh, dear. I do hope the Reverend isn't too angry. 288 00:17:17,852 --> 00:17:19,570 You know how your books upset him. 289 00:17:19,652 --> 00:17:23,440 I'm going to burn all my books. I'll let the Reverend light the first match. 290 00:17:23,892 --> 00:17:26,042 Did I leave some notes here for my new book? 291 00:17:26,132 --> 00:17:28,088 You mean Mind Over Matrimony? 292 00:17:28,732 --> 00:17:29,721 Where are they? 293 00:17:29,812 --> 00:17:32,167 -I hid them someplace-- -Come along. 294 00:17:32,252 --> 00:17:33,207 Now you behave. 295 00:17:33,292 --> 00:17:35,681 Let's find them before Elaine sees them. 296 00:17:40,172 --> 00:17:42,128 Hello, Mortimer! 297 00:17:43,252 --> 00:17:46,562 -How are you, Mr. President? -Bully, thank you. Just bully. 298 00:17:46,692 --> 00:17:50,082 -What news have you brought me? -The country's squarely behind you. 299 00:17:50,172 --> 00:17:52,208 Yes, I know. Isn't it wonderful? 300 00:17:52,492 --> 00:17:55,290 Well, goodbye. I'm off to Panama. 301 00:17:55,532 --> 00:17:57,363 MORTIMER: Goodbye, Mr. President. 302 00:17:57,492 --> 00:17:59,608 A new lock for the canal, you know. 303 00:18:00,012 --> 00:18:02,367 TEDDY: (Sings) "Oh, tell the news to Mother" 304 00:18:03,692 --> 00:18:06,252 -Oh, dear. -Find those notes? What's wrong? 305 00:18:06,372 --> 00:18:09,091 There's a baby picture of your brother Jonathan. 306 00:18:10,252 --> 00:18:13,881 MORTIMER: You ought to put that in the fire with my books. My, what a face! 307 00:18:14,292 --> 00:18:16,487 I remember now. He'd scare grownups with it. 308 00:18:16,572 --> 00:18:18,847 Just the thought of Jonathan frightens me. 309 00:18:18,932 --> 00:18:22,402 Do you remember how he used to cut worms in two with his teeth? 310 00:18:23,772 --> 00:18:27,082 Jonathan? He's probably in prison or hanged or something by now. 311 00:18:27,372 --> 00:18:30,808 MORTIMER: I saw a play, had a character in it, reminded me of Jonathan. 312 00:18:30,892 --> 00:18:31,847 Really? 313 00:18:32,452 --> 00:18:36,331 MORTIMER: A honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits called Murder Will Out. 314 00:18:36,412 --> 00:18:37,447 ABBY: Oh, dear! 315 00:18:37,532 --> 00:18:38,965 Yeah, what a play. 316 00:18:40,572 --> 00:18:44,121 When the curtain goes up, the first thing you see is a dead body. 317 00:18:44,492 --> 00:18:45,811 The next thing-- 318 00:18:57,092 --> 00:18:58,241 Hey, mister. 319 00:19:04,652 --> 00:19:06,131 (Elaine whistles) 320 00:19:06,612 --> 00:19:09,285 (Mortimer tries to whistle, unsuccessfully) 321 00:19:17,652 --> 00:19:19,131 (Abby hums cheerfully) 322 00:19:28,532 --> 00:19:32,241 MARTHA: Happy bridegroom! ABBY: Congratulations, darling! 323 00:19:34,052 --> 00:19:36,008 Never mind that now. 324 00:19:36,292 --> 00:19:37,850 Now, listen, darlings. 325 00:19:38,852 --> 00:19:40,251 Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha.... 326 00:19:40,332 --> 00:19:43,529 You know how we've always planned to send Teddy to Happy Dale? 327 00:19:43,612 --> 00:19:46,001 Yes, dear. That's after we're gone. 328 00:19:46,172 --> 00:19:48,925 Yes, we talked with Reverend Harper about it. 329 00:19:50,492 --> 00:19:52,767 Teddy's got to go to Happy Dale now. At once! 330 00:19:52,852 --> 00:19:56,731 -He's in the cellar. Get him up here now. -There's no such hurry as that. 331 00:19:57,012 --> 00:20:00,766 When Teddy's working on the canal, you can't get his mind on anything else. 332 00:20:01,492 --> 00:20:03,005 Well, look, darlings. 333 00:20:03,172 --> 00:20:06,164 I'm frightfully sorry, but I've got an awful shock for you. 334 00:20:06,652 --> 00:20:08,608 Teddy's killed a man, darlings! 335 00:20:09,532 --> 00:20:10,601 Nonsense! 336 00:20:10,732 --> 00:20:12,643 There's a body in the windowseat! 337 00:20:12,732 --> 00:20:14,962 Yes, dear. We know. 338 00:20:18,092 --> 00:20:20,162 -You know? -Of course. 339 00:20:20,372 --> 00:20:22,806 Yes, but it has nothing to do with Teddy. 340 00:20:23,812 --> 00:20:26,485 Now, Mortimer. You just forget about it. 341 00:20:26,652 --> 00:20:28,722 Forget you ever saw the gentleman. 342 00:20:29,412 --> 00:20:30,322 Forget? 343 00:20:30,412 --> 00:20:32,687 We never dreamed you'd peek. 344 00:20:33,412 --> 00:20:34,606 What the.... 345 00:20:35,692 --> 00:20:36,761 Who is he? 346 00:20:36,972 --> 00:20:39,884 He's a Mr. Hoskins. Adam Hoskins. 347 00:20:40,612 --> 00:20:44,082 That's really all I know about him, except that he's a Methodist. 348 00:20:44,252 --> 00:20:46,447 He's a Methodist? lsn't that nice. 349 00:20:46,612 --> 00:20:48,807 That's all you know? What's he doing here? 350 00:20:48,892 --> 00:20:50,883 -What happened to him? -He died. 351 00:20:51,372 --> 00:20:54,489 Aunt Martha, men just don't get into windowseats and die. 352 00:20:54,692 --> 00:20:57,365 No, dear. He died first. 353 00:20:57,732 --> 00:20:59,290 Wait! Stop all this. 354 00:21:00,612 --> 00:21:02,330 Now look, how did he die? 355 00:21:02,452 --> 00:21:05,012 Mortimer, don't be so inquisitive. 356 00:21:05,572 --> 00:21:10,202 The gentleman died because he drank some wine with poison in it. 357 00:21:12,252 --> 00:21:14,368 How did the poison get in the wine? 358 00:21:14,452 --> 00:21:16,886 We put it in wine because it's less noticeable. 359 00:21:16,972 --> 00:21:19,406 When it's in tea, it has a distinct odor. 360 00:21:20,572 --> 00:21:21,766 You mean you.... 361 00:21:22,812 --> 00:21:24,211 You put it in the wine? 362 00:21:24,292 --> 00:21:27,648 Yes. And I put Mr. Hoskins in the windowseat... 363 00:21:27,732 --> 00:21:30,007 ...because Reverend Harper was coming. 364 00:21:32,972 --> 00:21:34,530 Look at me, darling. 365 00:21:36,452 --> 00:21:40,047 You knew what you'd done and didn't want Reverend Harper to see the body? 366 00:21:40,132 --> 00:21:43,204 Well, not at tea. That wouldn't have been very nice. 367 00:21:45,892 --> 00:21:47,291 It's first-degree. 368 00:21:47,372 --> 00:21:50,921 Now, Mortimer, you know all about it and just forget about it. 369 00:21:51,292 --> 00:21:55,171 I do think that Martha and I have the right to our own little secrets. 370 00:21:58,732 --> 00:22:02,247 Abby, while I was out I dropped in on Mrs. Schultz. She's much better. 371 00:22:02,332 --> 00:22:04,687 But she wants us to take Junior to the movies again. 372 00:22:04,772 --> 00:22:06,888 We must do that, tomorrow or next day. 373 00:22:06,972 --> 00:22:09,930 Yes, but this time we'll go where we want to go. 374 00:22:10,172 --> 00:22:14,211 Junior's not going to drag me into another one of those scary pictures. 375 00:22:14,772 --> 00:22:18,731 ABBY: They ought not to be allowed to make pictures just to frighten people. 376 00:22:20,252 --> 00:22:23,244 (Suspenseful instrumental music) 377 00:22:37,892 --> 00:22:39,007 Operator? 378 00:22:39,412 --> 00:22:41,243 Can you hear my voice? 379 00:22:42,132 --> 00:22:43,201 You can? 380 00:22:43,652 --> 00:22:44,846 Are you sure? 381 00:22:45,972 --> 00:22:47,246 Then I must be here. 382 00:22:48,532 --> 00:22:50,011 (Elaine whistles) 383 00:23:04,052 --> 00:23:06,043 (Children squeal) 384 00:23:14,132 --> 00:23:17,090 ABBY: The dears. Isn't Halloween a wonderful time for them? 385 00:23:17,172 --> 00:23:19,766 Yes, it is. They have so much fun. 386 00:23:19,892 --> 00:23:21,166 (Abby hums cheerfully) 387 00:23:21,252 --> 00:23:23,527 Now, Mortimer, don't be so impatient. 388 00:23:23,652 --> 00:23:26,007 -We'll let you lick the bowl. -Lick the bowl? 389 00:23:26,092 --> 00:23:28,560 I don't want to. I want to know what we're going to do! 390 00:23:28,652 --> 00:23:30,290 We're going to celebrate. 391 00:23:30,412 --> 00:23:33,131 Celebrate? There's a body in the windowseat! 392 00:23:33,212 --> 00:23:35,009 ABBY: Yes, dear. Mr. Hoskins. 393 00:23:35,332 --> 00:23:38,369 I know what his name is. I want to know what we're going to do. 394 00:23:38,452 --> 00:23:40,090 We can't turn you over to the police. 395 00:23:40,172 --> 00:23:41,844 MARTHA: Stop worrying about it. 396 00:23:41,932 --> 00:23:43,843 We told you to forget the whole thing. 397 00:23:43,932 --> 00:23:47,766 Forget? Can't I make you realize that something has to be done? 398 00:23:48,052 --> 00:23:49,883 Now, Mortimer, you behave. 399 00:23:50,092 --> 00:23:53,004 You're too old to be flying off the handle like this. 400 00:23:53,772 --> 00:23:56,047 -But Mr. Hodgekiss-- -Hoskins, dear. 401 00:23:56,132 --> 00:23:58,600 Whatever his name is, you can't leave him in there. 402 00:23:58,692 --> 00:24:00,205 We don't intend to, dear. 403 00:24:00,292 --> 00:24:03,329 Teddy's down in the cellar now, digging the lock. 404 00:24:09,012 --> 00:24:11,367 You're going to bury Mr. Hodgekiss in the cellar? 405 00:24:11,452 --> 00:24:14,046 Yes, dear. That's what we did with the others. 406 00:24:15,012 --> 00:24:17,242 Look, here, Aunt Martha. You can't.... 407 00:24:18,012 --> 00:24:20,685 MORTIMER: Others? ABBY: The other gentlemen. 408 00:24:22,332 --> 00:24:24,846 When you say "others," do you mean "others"? 409 00:24:25,332 --> 00:24:27,766 -More than one "others"? -Yes, dear. 410 00:24:27,972 --> 00:24:30,884 Let me see now. This is 1 1, isn't it, Abby? 411 00:24:31,092 --> 00:24:33,162 No, dear. This makes 12. 412 00:24:33,412 --> 00:24:37,121 Abby, dear, I think you're wrong. This one is only 1 1 . 413 00:24:37,412 --> 00:24:40,802 No, dear, because I remember when Mr. Hoskins first came in... 414 00:24:40,892 --> 00:24:43,929 ...it occurred to me that he'd make just an even dozen. 415 00:24:45,612 --> 00:24:49,651 MARTHA: But, Abby, dear, I really don't think you should count the first one. 416 00:24:49,852 --> 00:24:52,889 ABBY: I was counting the first one, and that makes it 12. 417 00:24:53,292 --> 00:24:54,281 It does? 418 00:24:55,812 --> 00:24:58,884 Well, she's probably right. Abby usually is. 419 00:24:58,972 --> 00:25:00,963 I get them mixed up sometimes. 420 00:25:01,372 --> 00:25:02,521 Makes it 12. 421 00:25:07,372 --> 00:25:08,851 (Phone rings) 422 00:25:09,532 --> 00:25:10,521 Hello. 423 00:25:13,732 --> 00:25:16,451 Whatever is the matter with Mortimer today? 424 00:25:16,532 --> 00:25:18,409 Why, Abby, what do you think happened to him? 425 00:25:19,532 --> 00:25:20,248 Hello? 426 00:25:20,372 --> 00:25:22,840 (Whistling over the phone) 427 00:25:26,412 --> 00:25:29,245 Not now. For heaven's sake, keep your shirt on! 428 00:25:31,492 --> 00:25:33,130 Elaine, I didn't mean-- 429 00:25:36,732 --> 00:25:38,563 Now, let's see. Where were we? 430 00:25:38,652 --> 00:25:39,971 Twelve. Twelve! 431 00:25:40,412 --> 00:25:41,606 MARTHA: Yes, dear. 432 00:25:41,692 --> 00:25:44,126 Abby thinks we should count the first one. 433 00:25:44,292 --> 00:25:46,487 Never mind about that. Just sit down. 434 00:25:46,572 --> 00:25:48,528 Tell me, who was the first one? 435 00:25:48,692 --> 00:25:51,286 Mr. Midgely. He was a Baptist. 436 00:25:51,372 --> 00:25:53,602 MARTHA: He was such a lonely, old gentleman. 437 00:25:54,172 --> 00:25:56,242 ABBY: All his kith and kin were dead. 438 00:25:56,332 --> 00:25:58,288 We felt so sorry for him. 439 00:25:58,532 --> 00:26:01,444 And then, when his heart attack came... 440 00:26:01,532 --> 00:26:04,808 ...and he sat there dead in that chair... 441 00:26:05,212 --> 00:26:08,682 ...looking so peaceful. Remember, Martha? 442 00:26:09,612 --> 00:26:12,001 We made up our minds, then and there... 443 00:26:12,172 --> 00:26:15,050 ...that if we could help other lonely, old men... 444 00:26:15,252 --> 00:26:17,322 ...to find that same peace... 445 00:26:17,572 --> 00:26:18,721 ...we would. 446 00:26:19,812 --> 00:26:21,040 Why, you poor.... 447 00:26:21,252 --> 00:26:23,891 You mean, he dropped dead right in this chair? 448 00:26:26,812 --> 00:26:30,043 And then, you see, Teddy came up from digging in Panama... 449 00:26:30,172 --> 00:26:33,369 ...and he thought Mr. Midgely was a yellow-fever victim. 450 00:26:33,612 --> 00:26:36,570 And that meant he had to be buried immediately. 451 00:26:36,972 --> 00:26:39,884 So, we all took him down to Panama... 452 00:26:40,012 --> 00:26:43,891 ...and put him in the lock and gave him a decent Christian burial. 453 00:26:44,212 --> 00:26:48,524 MARTHA: There, now you see? That's why we told you not to bother about it... 454 00:26:48,612 --> 00:26:51,365 ...because we know exactly what's to be done. 455 00:26:54,412 --> 00:26:55,606 Wait a minute! 456 00:26:55,852 --> 00:26:58,286 Come here, darling. What about the others? 457 00:26:58,732 --> 00:27:01,121 All 12 of them didn't walk in here and drop dead. 458 00:27:01,492 --> 00:27:03,130 No, dear. Of course not! 459 00:27:03,212 --> 00:27:04,361 Well, so.... 460 00:27:11,972 --> 00:27:13,451 -(Whispers) Mortimer. -What? 461 00:27:13,532 --> 00:27:16,330 Do you remember those jars of poison on the shelves... 462 00:27:16,412 --> 00:27:18,687 ...in Grandfather's laboratory all these years? 463 00:27:18,772 --> 00:27:21,570 You know your Aunt Martha's knack for mixing things. 464 00:27:21,652 --> 00:27:23,961 You've eaten enough of her piccalilli. 465 00:27:24,372 --> 00:27:27,569 Well, dear, for a gallon of elderberry wine... 466 00:27:27,652 --> 00:27:30,246 ...l take one teaspoonful of arsenic... 467 00:27:30,332 --> 00:27:32,641 ...then add half a teaspoonful of strychnine. 468 00:27:32,732 --> 00:27:36,361 And then, just a pinch of cyanide. 469 00:27:38,372 --> 00:27:40,044 Should have quite a kick. 470 00:27:40,452 --> 00:27:41,646 Yes. 471 00:27:41,932 --> 00:27:45,129 As a matter of fact, one of our gentlemen found time to say: 472 00:27:45,212 --> 00:27:46,406 "How delicious! " 473 00:27:46,492 --> 00:27:48,801 He did? Well, wasn't that nice of him? 474 00:27:48,932 --> 00:27:51,890 Abby, we mustn't be standing here gossiping all night. 475 00:27:51,972 --> 00:27:53,485 We must get that cake frosted. 476 00:27:53,572 --> 00:27:56,450 Don't worry about the cake. I couldn't eat a thing. 477 00:27:56,732 --> 00:28:00,520 You newlyweds! A sip of wine will give you an appetite. 478 00:28:00,612 --> 00:28:03,445 That'd be nice, darling, a sip of.... A sip of wine! 479 00:28:03,812 --> 00:28:04,801 Wine! 480 00:28:19,332 --> 00:28:21,527 (Cat meows) 481 00:28:24,412 --> 00:28:26,972 I'm beginning to think the cat's in on this. 482 00:28:28,572 --> 00:28:32,611 He's wonderful. Happy as a lark. Singing away, digging locks. 483 00:28:32,692 --> 00:28:35,126 Got him working on a yellow-fever victim. 484 00:28:35,692 --> 00:28:37,364 I can see the headlines now: 485 00:28:37,452 --> 00:28:40,762 "Murder lncorporator Rides Again" right across the front page. 486 00:28:41,492 --> 00:28:42,720 Let me see.... 487 00:28:43,372 --> 00:28:46,091 Teddy! Of course. Everybody knows he's crazy. 488 00:28:46,652 --> 00:28:49,883 Let me see. Who can I call up? Dewey, La Guardia, Winchell? 489 00:28:49,972 --> 00:28:51,610 No, Winchell's no good. 490 00:28:52,372 --> 00:28:53,646 Old Judge Cullman! 491 00:28:53,732 --> 00:28:55,609 I wonder if I got his number. 492 00:28:56,492 --> 00:28:58,369 What am I doing with tickets? 493 00:28:58,572 --> 00:28:59,721 Information. 494 00:29:05,372 --> 00:29:06,407 Information? 495 00:29:06,492 --> 00:29:09,962 Get me the number of Judge Cullman on North Shore Road, Brooklyn. 496 00:29:10,052 --> 00:29:11,326 Yeah, would you call me back? 497 00:29:14,932 --> 00:29:17,002 Wouldn't it be marvelous if he wasn't there? 498 00:29:18,532 --> 00:29:19,408 ELAINE: Hey, you! 499 00:29:19,492 --> 00:29:21,130 (Mortimer yelps) 500 00:29:21,292 --> 00:29:23,726 Thought you were tall, dark streak of light. 501 00:29:24,012 --> 00:29:25,525 What are you doing here? 502 00:29:25,652 --> 00:29:28,325 What am I doing here? Didn't you hear me whistle? 503 00:29:28,412 --> 00:29:29,811 Whistle? Oh, yes. 504 00:29:30,132 --> 00:29:31,611 I heard you whistle. 505 00:29:32,292 --> 00:29:33,884 -How do I look? -You look fine. 506 00:29:33,972 --> 00:29:36,361 -Run on home. I'll call you up tomorrow. -Tomorrow? 507 00:29:36,452 --> 00:29:39,250 You know I always call you up every day or two. 508 00:29:39,332 --> 00:29:42,768 You and your gags! Where's your hat? The bags are in the taxi. 509 00:29:42,892 --> 00:29:45,452 -Come on! -I'm so sorry. Something's happened. 510 00:29:45,772 --> 00:29:47,410 What'd you do, lose your nerve? 511 00:29:47,492 --> 00:29:49,960 Where's that look I was going to see so often? 512 00:29:50,052 --> 00:29:52,043 (Elaine whistles The Wedding March) 513 00:29:52,132 --> 00:29:54,441 Stop! Don't whistle in my ear, please. 514 00:29:54,852 --> 00:29:56,604 What's wrong? Look at your hair. 515 00:29:56,692 --> 00:29:58,762 What color is it? Has it turned? 516 00:29:59,132 --> 00:30:02,124 Darling, what's the matter? What happened? 517 00:30:03,732 --> 00:30:05,404 Those flowers are so beautiful. 518 00:30:05,492 --> 00:30:08,290 If I could only tell you, Elaine. You smell so nice. 519 00:30:08,372 --> 00:30:09,441 (Phone rings) 520 00:30:09,532 --> 00:30:10,760 You better go home! 521 00:30:10,852 --> 00:30:14,128 -But, darling, we were married today. -Go to bed, get some rest! 522 00:30:14,212 --> 00:30:15,088 Rest? 523 00:30:17,252 --> 00:30:19,049 Who? Judge Cullman? 524 00:30:19,812 --> 00:30:23,885 This is Mortimer Brewster. I'll tell you why I called you. It's about Teddy. 525 00:30:23,972 --> 00:30:26,008 I've got to come over and see you right away. 526 00:30:26,092 --> 00:30:27,969 It won't wait until tomorrow, Judge. 527 00:30:28,052 --> 00:30:31,203 It's very, very important. We've got to do something immediately. 528 00:30:31,292 --> 00:30:33,248 But it's a matter of life and.... Elaine! 529 00:30:35,012 --> 00:30:36,161 Will you get out of here? 530 00:30:36,252 --> 00:30:39,005 What on earth is going on here? I don't know where I stand! 531 00:30:39,092 --> 00:30:41,765 -Anywhere, but don't stand there! -But Niagara Falls! 532 00:30:41,892 --> 00:30:44,452 -If it does, we'll let it! -Wait a minute! Listen. 533 00:30:44,532 --> 00:30:46,602 You can't marry me and then throw me out! 534 00:30:46,692 --> 00:30:50,162 I'm not throwing you out of the house! Will you get out of here? 535 00:30:54,492 --> 00:30:56,369 I'm sorry, Judge. A thing happened. 536 00:30:56,652 --> 00:30:58,404 Judge, about Teddy, he's-- 537 00:31:00,292 --> 00:31:01,691 It's his bugle blowing. 538 00:31:01,772 --> 00:31:04,730 The police want to throw him into a state institution. 539 00:31:06,092 --> 00:31:07,605 How do you like that? 540 00:31:07,772 --> 00:31:10,650 -I read an ad here about a room to rent. -Shut up! 541 00:31:17,412 --> 00:31:21,121 If you sign the papers and Teddy commits himself, we can get him to Happy Dale. 542 00:31:21,212 --> 00:31:22,884 It's a wonderful place. 543 00:31:22,972 --> 00:31:23,961 You will? 544 00:31:24,092 --> 00:31:26,686 Fine! I'll be over as soon as I've made another call. 545 00:31:26,772 --> 00:31:28,251 (Doorbell rings) 546 00:31:28,732 --> 00:31:30,450 Doorbell's ringing, dear. 547 00:31:35,012 --> 00:31:36,684 ABBY: How do you do? Come in. 548 00:31:36,892 --> 00:31:39,247 MR. GIBBS: I understand you've got a room to rent. 549 00:31:39,332 --> 00:31:40,924 ABBY: Do step in. 550 00:31:41,212 --> 00:31:44,363 -Are you the lady of the house? -Yes, I'm Miss Brewster. 551 00:31:44,452 --> 00:31:46,886 MORTIMER: Operator? Give me long distance, please. 552 00:31:46,972 --> 00:31:49,645 And this is my sister. Another Miss Brewster. 553 00:31:49,812 --> 00:31:52,963 MR. GIBBS: My name's Gibbs. ABBY: Well, do sit down. 554 00:31:53,212 --> 00:31:56,090 I'm sorry, we're just setting the table for dinner. 555 00:31:56,772 --> 00:32:00,481 Now, this would be a nice comfortable chair. 556 00:32:01,212 --> 00:32:05,000 Long distance? I want the Happy Dale Sanitarium, Happy Dale, New York. 557 00:32:05,092 --> 00:32:08,926 ABBY: ls Brooklyn your home? MR. GIBBS: I live in a hotel. Don't like it. 558 00:32:09,132 --> 00:32:12,647 Are your family Brooklyn people? 559 00:32:12,732 --> 00:32:16,008 -Haven't got any family. -All alone in the world? 560 00:32:16,172 --> 00:32:17,161 Yeah. 561 00:32:17,372 --> 00:32:20,170 ABBY: Well, Martha.... MORTIMER: No, Happy Dale. 562 00:32:20,572 --> 00:32:23,370 ABBY: Well, you've come to just the right house. 563 00:32:23,452 --> 00:32:25,170 ABBY: Do sit down. MORTIMER: Dale. 564 00:32:25,572 --> 00:32:28,006 MORTIMER: "D" Iike in "dig," when you dig a lock. 565 00:32:28,092 --> 00:32:30,652 That's right. "A " Iike in "arsenic. " Got that? 566 00:32:31,132 --> 00:32:33,123 Is there always this much noise? 567 00:32:33,372 --> 00:32:34,930 He doesn't live with us. 568 00:32:35,012 --> 00:32:37,242 I can see the headlines now. Please. 569 00:32:38,692 --> 00:32:41,490 I'd like to see the room. I don't think I'll like it. 570 00:32:41,572 --> 00:32:43,005 The room's upstairs. 571 00:32:43,092 --> 00:32:46,323 Won't you try a glass of our wine before we start up? 572 00:32:46,492 --> 00:32:47,811 Never touch it. 573 00:32:47,932 --> 00:32:52,130 Well, we make this ourselves. It's elderberry wine. 574 00:32:53,572 --> 00:32:54,687 Elderberry? 575 00:32:57,252 --> 00:33:00,005 I haven't tasted elderberry wine since I was a boy. 576 00:33:00,092 --> 00:33:02,208 MR. GIBBS: Thank you. MORTIMER: Operator! 577 00:33:02,292 --> 00:33:05,682 I don't want the Happy Dale Laundry! I want the Happy Dale Sanitarium! 578 00:33:05,772 --> 00:33:08,445 Sanitarium! Sanitarium! Yes, like a broken record! 579 00:33:08,572 --> 00:33:13,168 -Have your own elderberry bushes? -No, but the cemetery's full of them. 580 00:33:13,852 --> 00:33:15,410 Well, skoal. 581 00:33:15,612 --> 00:33:18,251 MORTIMER: Hello, operator! What's taking so long? 582 00:33:18,332 --> 00:33:20,800 It's only across the river! I could swim it faster! 583 00:33:20,892 --> 00:33:21,722 Yes! 584 00:33:22,612 --> 00:33:23,806 Hello! Hell-- 585 00:33:24,452 --> 00:33:25,202 What-- 586 00:33:25,292 --> 00:33:26,725 What, they're busy? 587 00:33:26,812 --> 00:33:27,927 Busy? 588 00:33:28,372 --> 00:33:30,090 They're busy and you're dizzy! 589 00:33:30,172 --> 00:33:33,209 No, I'm not drunk, madam, but you've given me an idea! 590 00:33:33,332 --> 00:33:35,323 (Banging) 591 00:33:38,252 --> 00:33:39,731 Mortimer, no...no. 592 00:33:40,132 --> 00:33:42,362 Darling, I'm nervous. Don't do that. 593 00:33:43,292 --> 00:33:44,486 Not that. 594 00:33:47,052 --> 00:33:48,531 MORTIMER: (Shrieks) No! 595 00:33:53,772 --> 00:33:57,208 Get out of here! Do you want to be poisoned, murdered, killed? 596 00:34:01,612 --> 00:34:02,840 They're nuts! 597 00:34:03,412 --> 00:34:05,050 CAB DRIVER: You're telling me! 598 00:34:12,612 --> 00:34:15,445 Look, you can't do things like that! 599 00:34:22,212 --> 00:34:25,010 Now I don't know how I can explain this to you... 600 00:34:26,772 --> 00:34:30,321 ...but it's not only against the law, it's wrong. 601 00:34:30,612 --> 00:34:32,204 ABBY: Oh, piffle! 602 00:34:32,532 --> 00:34:34,409 It's not a nice thing to do. 603 00:34:35,172 --> 00:34:38,403 People wouldn't understand. He wouldn't understand. 604 00:34:40,972 --> 00:34:42,564 What I mean is.... 605 00:34:43,932 --> 00:34:46,810 This is developing into a very bad habit! 606 00:34:47,252 --> 00:34:48,605 (Phone rings) 607 00:34:54,612 --> 00:34:56,523 Who? Happy Dale Sanitarium? 608 00:34:56,692 --> 00:34:58,444 That's amazing, operator. 609 00:34:58,972 --> 00:35:01,486 Happy Dale? Let me talk to Mr. Witherspoon, please. 610 00:35:01,572 --> 00:35:03,210 Mr. Witherspoon speaking. 611 00:35:03,812 --> 00:35:06,201 How do you do, Mr. Brewster? How are you? 612 00:35:07,732 --> 00:35:10,883 Mr. Witherspoon, do you-- I'm fine, thanks. How are you? 613 00:35:11,732 --> 00:35:15,361 Do you remember our conversation about committing my brother to Happy Dale? 614 00:35:15,452 --> 00:35:18,205 You do? Well, we want to commit him there immediately. 615 00:35:18,412 --> 00:35:19,322 Oh, dear. 616 00:35:19,612 --> 00:35:21,170 Oh, dear. That's too bad. 617 00:35:22,052 --> 00:35:25,089 Well, I'd hoped we wouldn't have him for some time yet. 618 00:35:25,372 --> 00:35:28,284 We have several Theodore Roosevelts at the moment... 619 00:35:28,412 --> 00:35:30,448 ...and it would lead to trouble. 620 00:35:31,932 --> 00:35:33,843 Well, now, if he thought that-- 621 00:35:33,972 --> 00:35:37,521 Mr. Brewster, we're a bit short of Napoleons at present. 622 00:35:37,732 --> 00:35:39,723 Bonaparte. And if-- 623 00:35:41,972 --> 00:35:43,530 Oh, I see. Of course. 624 00:35:43,892 --> 00:35:46,531 Well, if your mind is made up. Yes. 625 00:35:47,292 --> 00:35:48,725 Have you had the papers drawn up? 626 00:35:48,812 --> 00:35:51,610 No, but I'll do it now and call you as soon as I have them. 627 00:35:52,132 --> 00:35:53,611 Thank you, Mr.-- What? 628 00:35:54,132 --> 00:35:56,088 All right. Thank you, Mr. Witherspoon. 629 00:35:57,292 --> 00:35:59,362 Another Roosevelt. Oh, dear. 630 00:35:59,812 --> 00:36:04,328 Now listen, I'm going to Judge Cullman's, but I want you to promise me something. 631 00:36:04,412 --> 00:36:06,880 MARTHA: Well, we'd have to know what it was first. 632 00:36:07,212 --> 00:36:09,123 I love you both very much. 633 00:36:09,252 --> 00:36:11,527 You know I'd do anything for you, don't you? 634 00:36:11,612 --> 00:36:12,681 ABBY: Yes, dear. 635 00:36:12,892 --> 00:36:15,360 I want you to do one thing for me, like good girls. 636 00:36:15,452 --> 00:36:17,044 ABBY: What do you want us to do? 637 00:36:17,132 --> 00:36:19,965 Don't do anything. I mean, don't do anything! 638 00:36:20,492 --> 00:36:23,404 Don't let anyone in the house and leave Mr. Whosit where he is. 639 00:36:23,492 --> 00:36:27,007 Get off that thing. I can't talk to you.... I can't concentrate. 640 00:36:27,212 --> 00:36:30,010 I wouldn't want anything in the world to happen to you. 641 00:36:30,092 --> 00:36:32,447 What on earth could happen to us? 642 00:36:32,532 --> 00:36:33,806 Well, darling.... 643 00:36:33,932 --> 00:36:36,571 Anyway, you'll do that little thing for me, won't you? 644 00:36:36,932 --> 00:36:38,809 Where's my hat? There it is. 645 00:36:38,972 --> 00:36:40,928 MARTHA: But, Mortimer. MORTIMER: What? 646 00:36:41,012 --> 00:36:43,970 We were planning to hold services before dinner. 647 00:36:44,452 --> 00:36:48,127 -Couldn't that wait until I get back? -You could join us in the hymns! 648 00:36:48,212 --> 00:36:51,329 Yes, darling, I'll sing with you, I'll dance with you, anything. 649 00:36:51,972 --> 00:36:55,009 Remember, don't let anybody in the house until I get back. 650 00:36:55,092 --> 00:36:56,241 You promise? 651 00:36:56,492 --> 00:36:57,447 Good. 652 00:36:58,332 --> 00:36:59,526 ABBY: Mortimer! 653 00:36:59,612 --> 00:37:00,567 What? 654 00:37:02,412 --> 00:37:04,164 Stop that. What is it? 655 00:37:04,332 --> 00:37:05,845 Mr. Hoskins' hat! 656 00:37:06,492 --> 00:37:07,971 (Mortimer yelps) 657 00:37:11,092 --> 00:37:14,562 CAB DRIVER: Do you still want me to wait? MORTIMER: Yes! Call me a cab! 658 00:37:14,652 --> 00:37:17,962 -Hey, cab! Here you are. -Don't open it. I'll sit with you! 659 00:37:18,172 --> 00:37:21,528 Yeah, that's right. I can go faster that way. Sure. 660 00:37:21,772 --> 00:37:23,763 Wait a minute! What am I doing? 661 00:37:28,052 --> 00:37:31,567 Fancy getting nice Mr. Hoskins' hat all mussed up. 662 00:37:32,092 --> 00:37:34,652 Shame! Such a nice hat. 663 00:37:35,492 --> 00:37:39,929 MARTHA: You know, Mortimer didn't seem to be quite himself today. 664 00:37:40,292 --> 00:37:41,281 No. 665 00:37:42,012 --> 00:37:43,047 Oh, well. 666 00:37:50,852 --> 00:37:53,241 What were you saying about Mortimer? 667 00:37:53,332 --> 00:37:56,130 I think I understand why he seemed so upset. 668 00:37:56,372 --> 00:37:57,202 Why? 669 00:37:57,732 --> 00:37:59,609 He's just been married. 670 00:38:00,652 --> 00:38:03,610 I believe that always makes a man a little nervous. 671 00:38:03,692 --> 00:38:05,330 Yes. The poor dears. 672 00:38:07,972 --> 00:38:10,088 I'm so happy for Elaine. 673 00:38:10,972 --> 00:38:11,882 MARTHA: Abby! 674 00:38:12,092 --> 00:38:16,131 If Mortimer's coming back for the services, we'll need another hymnal. 675 00:38:16,372 --> 00:38:18,124 There's one up in my room. 676 00:38:20,572 --> 00:38:22,130 I'll go, dear. 677 00:38:23,492 --> 00:38:26,564 We promised Mortimer we wouldn't let anyone come in. 678 00:38:32,052 --> 00:38:34,441 It's two men, and I've never seen them before. 679 00:38:34,532 --> 00:38:36,409 ABBY: Are you sure? MARTHA: Yes. 680 00:38:37,132 --> 00:38:39,248 ABBY: Let me look. MARTHA: You look. 681 00:38:42,972 --> 00:38:45,930 -Do you recognize them? -No, they're strangers to me. 682 00:38:48,732 --> 00:38:51,292 We'll just have to pretend we're not at home. 683 00:38:53,812 --> 00:38:56,201 (Suspenseful instrumental music) 684 00:39:21,372 --> 00:39:22,725 JONATHAN: Come in, doctor. 685 00:39:26,812 --> 00:39:28,689 This is the home of my youth. 686 00:39:29,892 --> 00:39:33,009 As a boy, I couldn't wait to escape from this house. 687 00:39:34,212 --> 00:39:36,646 Now I'm glad to escape back into it. 688 00:39:37,972 --> 00:39:40,042 Yes, Johnny, it's a good hideout. 689 00:39:41,732 --> 00:39:43,723 The family must still live here. 690 00:39:46,372 --> 00:39:49,887 I hope there's a fatted calf awaiting the return of the prodigal. 691 00:39:50,172 --> 00:39:51,764 DR. EINSTEIN: A fatted calf?. 692 00:39:52,292 --> 00:39:54,203 Johnny, I'm so hungry. 693 00:39:54,612 --> 00:39:56,762 Look, Johnny. Drink. 694 00:39:57,492 --> 00:39:59,483 As if we were expected. 695 00:39:59,772 --> 00:40:00,921 A good omen. 696 00:40:01,332 --> 00:40:03,050 Who are you? 697 00:40:03,332 --> 00:40:05,050 What are you doing here? 698 00:40:06,732 --> 00:40:09,121 JONATHAN: Aunt Abby. Aunt Martha. 699 00:40:10,852 --> 00:40:12,126 It's Jonathan. 700 00:40:12,732 --> 00:40:14,245 You get out of here! 701 00:40:14,972 --> 00:40:16,644 I'm Jonathan, you know. 702 00:40:17,332 --> 00:40:18,924 Your nephew, Jonathan. 703 00:40:19,132 --> 00:40:20,360 ABBY: No, you're not. 704 00:40:20,492 --> 00:40:23,529 You're nothing like Jonathan, so don't pretend you are. 705 00:40:23,772 --> 00:40:25,330 You just get out of here. 706 00:40:25,412 --> 00:40:28,404 I see you're still wearing the lovely garnet ring... 707 00:40:28,532 --> 00:40:31,000 ...that Grandma Brewster bought in England. 708 00:40:32,012 --> 00:40:34,685 And you, Aunt Martha, still the high collar... 709 00:40:34,772 --> 00:40:38,242 ...to hide the scar where Grandfather's acid burned you. 710 00:40:39,172 --> 00:40:41,845 Why, his voice is like Jonathan's. 711 00:40:44,052 --> 00:40:46,566 Have you been in an accident? 712 00:40:46,652 --> 00:40:48,005 My face. 713 00:40:49,212 --> 00:40:51,931 Dr. Einstein is responsible for that. 714 00:40:52,132 --> 00:40:53,850 He's a plastic surgeon. 715 00:40:54,412 --> 00:40:56,721 But I've seen that face before. 716 00:40:59,332 --> 00:41:02,563 Do you remember when we took the little Schultz boy to the movies... 717 00:41:02,652 --> 00:41:04,244 ...and I was so frightened? 718 00:41:04,332 --> 00:41:05,685 MARTHA: It was that face. 719 00:41:09,052 --> 00:41:11,043 Take it easy, Johnny. Take it easy. 720 00:41:11,132 --> 00:41:14,329 Don't worry. The last five years, I give him three different faces. 721 00:41:14,412 --> 00:41:16,482 I give him another one right away. 722 00:41:16,852 --> 00:41:20,162 That last face. I saw that picture, too... 723 00:41:20,412 --> 00:41:24,644 ...just before I operated. I was intoxicated. 724 00:41:24,732 --> 00:41:27,292 JONATHAN: You see, doctor, what you've done to me? 725 00:41:27,692 --> 00:41:30,604 -Even my own family think I'm-- -Johnny, Johnny! 726 00:41:30,812 --> 00:41:34,407 You are home in this lovely house. 727 00:41:34,852 --> 00:41:36,046 You know... 728 00:41:37,532 --> 00:41:40,046 ...how many times he tells me... 729 00:41:40,292 --> 00:41:43,728 ...about Brooklyn, about this house and about his aunts... 730 00:41:43,812 --> 00:41:45,370 ...he loves so much? 731 00:41:45,692 --> 00:41:46,841 They know you. 732 00:41:46,932 --> 00:41:48,650 DR. EINSTEIN: Please tell him so. 733 00:41:51,492 --> 00:41:53,164 Jonathan... 734 00:41:53,452 --> 00:41:55,090 ...it's been a long time. 735 00:41:55,212 --> 00:41:57,806 JONATHAN: Bless you. It's good to be home again. 736 00:42:01,052 --> 00:42:02,041 Well, Martha.... 737 00:42:03,052 --> 00:42:05,691 We mustn't let what's on the stove boil over. 738 00:42:07,372 --> 00:42:09,932 If you'll excuse us for a moment, Jonathan. 739 00:42:10,172 --> 00:42:13,528 Unless you're in a hurry to go somewhere. 740 00:42:15,732 --> 00:42:18,121 (Slow foreboding instrumental music) 741 00:42:31,052 --> 00:42:32,041 Well, Johnny.... 742 00:42:32,252 --> 00:42:34,083 Where do we go from here? 743 00:42:35,852 --> 00:42:38,127 You know, we got to think fast. 744 00:42:38,932 --> 00:42:43,084 The police got pictures of that face. I got to operate on you right away. 745 00:42:43,492 --> 00:42:45,210 We got to find someplace. 746 00:42:46,692 --> 00:42:49,570 We got to find someplace for Mr. Spenalzo, too. 747 00:42:50,332 --> 00:42:52,448 Don't waste any worry on that rat. 748 00:42:52,732 --> 00:42:55,610 But we got a hot stiff on our hands. 749 00:42:56,092 --> 00:42:57,730 JONATHAN: Forget Mr. Spenalzo. 750 00:42:58,052 --> 00:43:01,249 But, Johnny, we can't leave a dead body in the rumble seat. 751 00:43:01,852 --> 00:43:03,604 You shouldn't have killed him. 752 00:43:03,692 --> 00:43:07,002 Just because he knows something about us, what happens? 753 00:43:09,932 --> 00:43:12,924 We come to him for help and he tries to shake us down. 754 00:43:15,932 --> 00:43:19,845 Besides, he said I looked like Boris Karloff. 755 00:43:22,852 --> 00:43:24,524 That's your work, doctor. 756 00:43:24,612 --> 00:43:26,011 You did that to me. 757 00:43:26,172 --> 00:43:28,003 Please, Johnny, take it easy. 758 00:43:28,132 --> 00:43:31,363 We'll find some place and I'll fix you up right away. 759 00:43:31,452 --> 00:43:34,012 Yes, tonight, but I have to eat first. 760 00:43:34,252 --> 00:43:37,210 JONATHAN: This time, I want the face of an absolute nonentity. 761 00:43:37,652 --> 00:43:40,689 Yes. I know exactly what I'm going to do. 762 00:43:40,852 --> 00:43:44,162 You see, I'm going to take this piece here and lift it up-- 763 00:43:44,252 --> 00:43:46,322 Be careful about the stitches this time. 764 00:43:46,412 --> 00:43:48,084 You leave that up to me. 765 00:43:48,172 --> 00:43:49,685 I'll give you nice ears and-- 766 00:43:49,772 --> 00:43:52,491 -You were careless last time. -And new stitches. 767 00:43:52,612 --> 00:43:55,809 And on the eyes I'll do a Schmidt. That's my specialty. 768 00:43:55,932 --> 00:43:59,163 -I take it together like this-- -Leave the eyes alone. 769 00:43:59,332 --> 00:44:00,924 Leave the nose alone. 770 00:44:01,172 --> 00:44:02,605 Poor Teddy. 771 00:44:03,132 --> 00:44:05,248 I imagine it's for the best. 772 00:44:07,692 --> 00:44:11,048 "Ours not to reason why, ours but to do--" 773 00:44:11,172 --> 00:44:13,640 Sign right here, please, Judge. Excuse me. 774 00:44:13,772 --> 00:44:15,251 Right there. 775 00:44:15,452 --> 00:44:19,240 Sometimes I think, with the world in its present chaotic state-- 776 00:44:19,332 --> 00:44:23,166 Yes, we'd all be better off at Happy Dale. I sign here as next of kin, don't l? 777 00:44:23,532 --> 00:44:27,047 Only last week I created a mild sensation... 778 00:44:27,132 --> 00:44:30,044 ...at the Bar Association, when I said-- 779 00:44:30,172 --> 00:44:32,208 Goodbye. Good luck, Judge. Thank you. 780 00:44:32,292 --> 00:44:36,251 JUDGE: Tell Martha and Abby I'll be over this week. I've been feeling rather lonely. 781 00:44:36,372 --> 00:44:39,205 No! Never tell them you've been lonely. Never! 782 00:44:39,292 --> 00:44:41,681 JUDGE: Why, I don't-- MORTIMER: Judge! 783 00:44:42,452 --> 00:44:44,602 Tell me, are you a drinking man? 784 00:44:44,892 --> 00:44:47,565 Why, no. I never indulge. 785 00:44:47,692 --> 00:44:49,603 Good! Then you'll live longer. 786 00:44:49,692 --> 00:44:51,808 JUDGE: Of course a little wine now-- 787 00:44:51,892 --> 00:44:54,042 (Shouts) No! For heaven's sake, no wine! 788 00:44:56,692 --> 00:44:59,126 I may be committing the wrong Brewster. 789 00:45:01,292 --> 00:45:04,602 ABBY: Well, I'm sure you both want to get to wherever you're going. 790 00:45:05,012 --> 00:45:09,005 My dear, sweet aunties, I'm so full of your delicious dinner... 791 00:45:09,372 --> 00:45:12,887 -...l'm unable to move a muscle. -Yes, it's nice here. 792 00:45:13,092 --> 00:45:14,491 I found it! 793 00:45:16,852 --> 00:45:18,365 Gentlemen, be seated. 794 00:45:21,292 --> 00:45:24,364 Here it is, gentlemen. The story of my life, my biography. 795 00:45:24,452 --> 00:45:27,524 Here's the picture I was telling you about. Here we both are. 796 00:45:27,612 --> 00:45:30,206 President Roosevelt and General Goethals at Culebra Cut. 797 00:45:30,372 --> 00:45:32,488 TEDDY: That's me, General, and that's you. 798 00:45:33,532 --> 00:45:35,488 My, how I've changed! 799 00:45:36,252 --> 00:45:40,404 That picture hasn't been taken yet. We haven't started work on Culebra Cut. 800 00:45:40,532 --> 00:45:42,011 We're still digging locks. 801 00:45:42,092 --> 00:45:45,846 And now, General, we will both go to Panama and inspect the new lock. 802 00:45:45,932 --> 00:45:48,002 ABBY: No, Teddy. Not to Panama. 803 00:45:48,092 --> 00:45:51,971 Maybe some other time, Mr. President. Panama is a long ways off. 804 00:45:52,052 --> 00:45:54,805 -Nonsense! It's just down in the cellar. -The cellar? 805 00:45:55,332 --> 00:45:58,563 We let him dig the Panama Canal in the cellar. 806 00:45:59,212 --> 00:46:01,203 -General Goethals? -Yes, sir. 807 00:46:01,412 --> 00:46:04,370 As President of the US, Commander in Chief of the Army and Navy... 808 00:46:04,452 --> 00:46:06,408 ...and the man who gave you this job... 809 00:46:06,492 --> 00:46:10,041 ...l demand that you accompany me on the inspection of the new lock. 810 00:46:10,132 --> 00:46:12,441 I think it's time for you to go to bed. 811 00:46:12,932 --> 00:46:16,208 I beg your pardon. Who are you? 812 00:46:16,292 --> 00:46:18,203 I'm Woodrow Wilson. Go to bed. 813 00:46:20,412 --> 00:46:23,563 No, you're not Wilson. But your face is familiar. 814 00:46:24,292 --> 00:46:28,285 You're not anyone I know now. Perhaps later, on my hunting trip to Africa. 815 00:46:28,372 --> 00:46:31,125 You look like someone I might meet in the jungle. 816 00:46:31,692 --> 00:46:34,889 ABBY: I think, perhaps, you had better go to bed, Teddy. 817 00:46:35,052 --> 00:46:37,850 He and his friend want to get back to their hotel. 818 00:46:38,532 --> 00:46:40,329 General Goethals, inspect the canal. 819 00:46:41,412 --> 00:46:43,846 All right, Mr. President, we go to Panama. 820 00:46:44,012 --> 00:46:46,685 Bully, bully! Follow me, General. 821 00:46:50,092 --> 00:46:52,003 It's down south, you know. 822 00:46:55,252 --> 00:46:56,651 Well, bon voyage! 823 00:47:00,052 --> 00:47:01,041 Aunt Abby.... 824 00:47:01,692 --> 00:47:03,842 I must correct your misapprehension. 825 00:47:04,892 --> 00:47:06,769 You talked of our hotel. 826 00:47:06,892 --> 00:47:10,407 We have no hotel. We came here directly. 827 00:47:10,732 --> 00:47:14,771 This is not your home, and I'm afraid you can't stay here. 828 00:47:15,052 --> 00:47:17,441 (Dramatic instrumental music) 829 00:47:19,092 --> 00:47:22,721 Dr. Einstein and I need a place to sleep. 830 00:47:23,252 --> 00:47:26,324 You remember that, as a boy, I could be disagreeable. 831 00:47:27,172 --> 00:47:30,403 It would not be pleasant for any of us if.... 832 00:47:30,492 --> 00:47:33,245 I don't have to go into details, do l? 833 00:47:33,812 --> 00:47:36,280 Perhaps we'd better let them stay here tonight. 834 00:47:36,692 --> 00:47:38,045 Hey, Johnny.... 835 00:47:38,172 --> 00:47:39,890 Come here. Quick. 836 00:47:39,972 --> 00:47:41,451 JONATHAN: I forgot to tell you... 837 00:47:41,532 --> 00:47:45,320 ...Doctor and I are turning Grandfather's laboratory into an operating room. 838 00:47:45,492 --> 00:47:47,528 We expect to be very busy. 839 00:47:51,452 --> 00:47:53,966 -Down here, what do you think I find? -What? 840 00:47:54,052 --> 00:47:55,849 The Panama Canal. 841 00:47:56,532 --> 00:47:58,602 And it just fits Mr. Spenalzo. 842 00:47:59,332 --> 00:48:02,768 See the hole he's digging. Four feet wide, six feet long. 843 00:48:02,852 --> 00:48:04,205 He just fits! 844 00:48:04,332 --> 00:48:07,642 You'd think he knew we were bringing Mr. Spenalzo along. 845 00:48:08,012 --> 00:48:09,570 That's hospitality. 846 00:48:10,012 --> 00:48:11,889 Rather a good joke on my aunts. 847 00:48:11,972 --> 00:48:15,248 They're living in a house with a body buried in the cellar. 848 00:48:17,892 --> 00:48:19,723 How do we get him in here? 849 00:48:20,012 --> 00:48:23,925 Yes, we can't just walk Mr. Spenalzo in through the door. 850 00:48:24,052 --> 00:48:28,523 We'll get the car and after they're in bed, we'll bring him in through the window. 851 00:48:28,612 --> 00:48:29,488 Bed. 852 00:48:32,012 --> 00:48:35,288 We're moving the car behind the house. You'd better get to bed. 853 00:48:35,372 --> 00:48:37,966 ABBY: The car is all right where it is until morning. 854 00:48:38,052 --> 00:48:42,011 I don't want to leave it in the street. That might be against the law. 855 00:48:46,532 --> 00:48:47,521 Abby? 856 00:48:47,612 --> 00:48:49,409 What are we going to do? 857 00:48:49,612 --> 00:48:53,525 We're not going to let them spend more than one night in this house. 858 00:48:53,732 --> 00:48:55,484 What would the neighbors think? 859 00:48:55,572 --> 00:48:59,042 People coming in here with one face and going out with another. 860 00:48:59,972 --> 00:49:02,406 What are we going to do about Mr. Hoskins? 861 00:49:02,972 --> 00:49:04,564 Mr. Hoskins! 862 00:49:04,932 --> 00:49:07,730 ABBY: It can't be very comfortable for him in there. 863 00:49:08,012 --> 00:49:11,084 And he's been so patient, the poor dear. 864 00:49:12,612 --> 00:49:16,525 I think Teddy had better take Mr. Hoskins downstairs right away. 865 00:49:17,532 --> 00:49:21,730 General Goethals was very pleased. He said the canal was just the right size. 866 00:49:23,452 --> 00:49:26,967 Teddy, there's been another yellow-fever victim. 867 00:49:27,172 --> 00:49:30,642 Dear me! This will be a shock to the General. 868 00:49:31,372 --> 00:49:34,125 ABBY: No, we must keep it a secret. 869 00:49:34,252 --> 00:49:35,321 Yes. 870 00:49:35,612 --> 00:49:36,806 A state secret? 871 00:49:36,932 --> 00:49:38,763 Yes, a state secret. 872 00:49:38,972 --> 00:49:39,961 Promise? 873 00:49:40,772 --> 00:49:43,445 You have the word of the President of the United States. 874 00:49:43,532 --> 00:49:47,002 Cross my heart and hope to die. Now, let's see. 875 00:49:47,732 --> 00:49:50,041 How are we going to keep it a secret? 876 00:49:50,252 --> 00:49:53,688 Teddy, I think you'd better get back down into the cellar. 877 00:49:53,852 --> 00:49:55,001 And then... 878 00:49:55,132 --> 00:49:58,761 ...when I turn out the lights, when everything's dark here... 879 00:49:59,052 --> 00:50:01,771 ...you come up and take the poor man down to the canal. 880 00:50:01,852 --> 00:50:03,001 Now get along. 881 00:50:03,172 --> 00:50:06,130 MARTHA: And we'll come down later and hold services. 882 00:50:07,052 --> 00:50:09,850 TEDDY: Where is the poor devil? MARTHA: ln the windowseat. 883 00:50:09,932 --> 00:50:11,331 It seems to be spreading. 884 00:50:11,412 --> 00:50:13,562 We've never had yellow fever there before. 885 00:50:17,772 --> 00:50:20,650 I've never even seen Mr. Hoskins! 886 00:50:20,812 --> 00:50:24,088 My goodness! That's right, you were out. 887 00:50:25,052 --> 00:50:28,283 You just come right along and see him now. 888 00:50:29,252 --> 00:50:33,848 You know, he's really very nice looking, considering that he's a Methodist. 889 00:50:35,932 --> 00:50:37,923 (Abby and Martha scream) 890 00:50:42,052 --> 00:50:44,247 (Threatening instrumental music) 891 00:50:49,972 --> 00:50:52,327 We're bringing the luggage through here. 892 00:50:58,612 --> 00:51:02,161 ABBY: Your room is waiting for you. You can go right up. 893 00:51:03,052 --> 00:51:06,806 I'm afraid we don't keep Brooklyn hours. You two run along to bed. 894 00:51:07,052 --> 00:51:10,089 But you must be very tired. Both of you. 895 00:51:10,252 --> 00:51:14,245 -And we don't go to bed this early. -It's time I came home to take care of you. 896 00:51:14,492 --> 00:51:16,323 Take the bags upstairs. 897 00:51:16,652 --> 00:51:19,291 For the instruments, I'll come back later. 898 00:51:19,572 --> 00:51:20,846 Good night. 899 00:51:21,372 --> 00:51:22,805 Now, we'll all go to bed. 900 00:51:22,892 --> 00:51:26,601 I'll wait until you're up and then turn out the lights. 901 00:51:27,292 --> 00:51:29,089 JONATHAN: Run along, Aunt Martha. 902 00:51:30,452 --> 00:51:32,522 Just off the laboratory, Doctor. 903 00:51:39,972 --> 00:51:42,440 -All right, Aunt Abby. -I'll be right up. 904 00:51:42,612 --> 00:51:44,842 Now! Turn out the lights. 905 00:51:51,852 --> 00:51:54,446 (Dramatic instrumental music) 906 00:52:15,332 --> 00:52:16,811 JONATHAN: Aunt Abby. 907 00:52:20,052 --> 00:52:22,646 (Suspenseful instrumental music) 908 00:52:24,052 --> 00:52:25,531 (Footsteps) 909 00:52:49,052 --> 00:52:51,043 (Windowseat hinges creak) 910 00:53:11,452 --> 00:53:14,728 (Suspenseful instrumental music) 911 00:53:17,652 --> 00:53:19,131 (Cat yowls) 912 00:54:02,852 --> 00:54:04,524 (Tumbling and crashing noises) 913 00:54:16,932 --> 00:54:18,763 DR. EINSTEIN: He's all right, Johnny. 914 00:54:27,092 --> 00:54:30,243 JONATHAN: I'll open the window. You go round and hand him through. 915 00:54:30,452 --> 00:54:32,727 But he's too heavy for me. 916 00:54:34,212 --> 00:54:37,602 DR. EINSTEIN: You go outside and push, and I'll stay here and pull. 917 00:54:37,812 --> 00:54:40,531 And then together we take him down to Panama. 918 00:54:40,652 --> 00:54:44,611 JONATHAN: All right. We must be quick. I'll take a look around outside the house. 919 00:54:44,812 --> 00:54:47,280 When I tap on the glass, you open the window. 920 00:54:47,372 --> 00:54:48,521 DR. EINSTEIN: Yeah. 921 00:54:56,012 --> 00:54:57,809 DR. EINSTEIN: It's dark in here. 922 00:54:59,412 --> 00:55:01,289 (Crashing) 923 00:55:01,372 --> 00:55:03,249 (Dr. Einstein whimpers) 924 00:55:03,452 --> 00:55:04,931 (Windowseat hinges creak) 925 00:55:10,572 --> 00:55:11,687 Where am l? 926 00:55:12,732 --> 00:55:13,847 Here I am. 927 00:55:15,012 --> 00:55:17,162 Who left this open? 928 00:55:17,292 --> 00:55:18,771 (Tap on window) 929 00:55:22,652 --> 00:55:25,610 DR. EINSTEIN: Okay, wait a minute. Hand him over. 930 00:55:25,812 --> 00:55:28,372 Now I have him. Allez, up! 931 00:55:29,772 --> 00:55:33,526 Now, wait a minute, Johnny. You lost a leg somewhere. 932 00:55:36,052 --> 00:55:37,849 Help me. He's so heavy. 933 00:55:38,052 --> 00:55:41,203 Now I have him. Now I got him. 934 00:55:42,132 --> 00:55:45,329 JONATHAN: Be careful. DR. EINSTEIN: But his shoe came off. 935 00:55:46,332 --> 00:55:49,130 Help me, Johnny. He's so heavy. 936 00:55:49,332 --> 00:55:51,448 Now I've got him! 937 00:55:51,572 --> 00:55:52,561 (Knock on door) 938 00:55:53,052 --> 00:55:56,169 DR. EINSTEIN: Johnny, somebody's at the door. Go open, quick. 939 00:55:56,372 --> 00:55:59,444 I'll manage Spenalzo. Go, quick! 940 00:55:59,852 --> 00:56:01,444 (Knock on door) 941 00:56:05,052 --> 00:56:06,531 (Creaking) 942 00:56:08,892 --> 00:56:12,362 (The Wedding March plays with an eerie nuance) 943 00:56:12,532 --> 00:56:13,726 ELAINE: Mortimer! 944 00:56:18,212 --> 00:56:19,281 Aunt Abby! 945 00:56:21,172 --> 00:56:22,366 Aunt Martha! 946 00:56:25,452 --> 00:56:26,931 (Door closes) 947 00:56:27,532 --> 00:56:28,567 Who is it? 948 00:56:28,652 --> 00:56:30,051 Is that you, Teddy? 949 00:56:30,132 --> 00:56:31,326 JONATHAN: Who are you? 950 00:56:31,412 --> 00:56:33,607 ELAINE: I'm Elaine Harper. I live next door. 951 00:56:33,692 --> 00:56:35,330 JONATHAN: What are you doing here? 952 00:56:35,412 --> 00:56:37,721 ELAINE: I came here to see my husband, Mortimer. 953 00:56:37,812 --> 00:56:39,962 JONATHAN: Why did you say your name was Harper? 954 00:56:40,052 --> 00:56:42,168 ELAINE: It is Harper. I mean, it's Brewster. 955 00:56:42,252 --> 00:56:44,641 I'm not very used to it. I'm a brand-new Brewster. 956 00:56:44,732 --> 00:56:45,881 JONATHAN: Doctor! 957 00:56:46,932 --> 00:56:48,763 It's all right. It's okay. 958 00:56:57,612 --> 00:57:00,490 ELAINE: Maybe you'd better explain what you're doing here. 959 00:57:00,572 --> 00:57:02,528 JONATHAN: We happen to live here. 960 00:57:02,812 --> 00:57:04,291 ELAINE: You don't live here. 961 00:57:04,372 --> 00:57:06,966 I'm in this house every day, I've never seen you before. 962 00:57:07,052 --> 00:57:10,124 Where are Martha and Abby? What have you done to them? 963 00:57:11,212 --> 00:57:13,601 Perhaps we'd better introduce ourselves. 964 00:57:14,012 --> 00:57:16,526 May I present Dr. Einstein? 965 00:57:16,972 --> 00:57:18,928 Dr. Einstein? 966 00:57:19,092 --> 00:57:21,481 JONATHAN: A surgeon of great distinction. 967 00:57:23,772 --> 00:57:25,842 And something of a magician. 968 00:57:26,572 --> 00:57:30,281 -I suppose you'll tell me you're Boris-- -I am Jonathan Brewster. 969 00:57:32,532 --> 00:57:34,921 -You're Jonathan. -You've heard of me? 970 00:57:35,092 --> 00:57:38,004 -Yes, they talk about you. -What do they say about me? 971 00:57:38,092 --> 00:57:41,448 Just that there's another brother named Jonathan, that's all. 972 00:57:42,132 --> 00:57:45,169 That explains everything. Now that I know who you are... 973 00:57:45,332 --> 00:57:48,768 ...l'll just be running along if you'll kindly unlock the door. 974 00:58:01,212 --> 00:58:04,682 "That explains everything." Just what do you mean by that? 975 00:58:04,812 --> 00:58:07,280 Why do you come here at this time of night? 976 00:58:07,412 --> 00:58:11,087 I just thought I saw Mortimer drive up. I suppose it was you. 977 00:58:11,652 --> 00:58:13,847 (Dramatic instrumental music) 978 00:58:14,212 --> 00:58:16,521 You thought you saw someone drive up? 979 00:58:16,892 --> 00:58:19,645 Yes. Weren't you just outside? lsn't that your car? 980 00:58:19,732 --> 00:58:22,121 JONATHAN: You saw someone at the car? ELAINE: Yes. 981 00:58:22,332 --> 00:58:25,369 JONATHAN: What else did you see? ELAINE: Just that, that's all! 982 00:58:25,492 --> 00:58:27,926 JONATHAN: I see. Is that why you came over here? 983 00:58:28,012 --> 00:58:31,448 No, I came to see Mortimer. But if he's not home, I'll run-- 984 00:58:31,572 --> 00:58:33,528 -You've given two names. -You're hurting me! 985 00:58:33,612 --> 00:58:35,682 I think she's dangerous. 986 00:58:35,812 --> 00:58:38,167 No visitors. It's going to be a private funeral. 987 00:58:40,772 --> 00:58:41,841 ELAINE: Teddy! 988 00:58:41,932 --> 00:58:45,322 -Tell these men who I am! -That's my daughter, Alice. 989 00:58:45,652 --> 00:58:46,448 No! 990 00:58:47,772 --> 00:58:50,491 Don't be a tomboy. Don't play rough with the gentlemen. 991 00:58:50,572 --> 00:58:51,561 Charge! 992 00:58:55,732 --> 00:58:57,927 (Dramatic instrumental music) 993 00:59:00,452 --> 00:59:02,124 JONATHAN: Doctor, the cellar. 994 00:59:03,692 --> 00:59:05,410 ELAINE: (Yells) Let go of me! 995 00:59:06,132 --> 00:59:07,804 Let go of me! 996 00:59:08,852 --> 00:59:11,047 MARTHA: What's the matter? What's happening down there? 997 00:59:14,772 --> 00:59:17,286 ABBY: What's the matter? What are you doing there? 998 00:59:17,652 --> 00:59:20,962 JONATHAN: We caught a burglar, a sneak thief. Go back to your room. 999 00:59:21,132 --> 00:59:22,884 ABBY: We'll call the police. 1000 00:59:22,972 --> 00:59:25,361 JONATHAN: I'll handle this. Go back to your room. 1001 00:59:25,452 --> 00:59:26,680 Do you hear me? 1002 00:59:26,772 --> 00:59:29,240 (Knock on door) 1003 00:59:29,372 --> 00:59:30,851 JONATHAN: Don't answer that. 1004 00:59:31,852 --> 00:59:33,285 Don't answer that! 1005 00:59:33,372 --> 00:59:35,044 ELAINE: (Screams) Miss Abby! 1006 00:59:37,812 --> 00:59:40,280 (Doorbell rings insistently) 1007 00:59:46,212 --> 00:59:50,000 Where's Teddy? ls he upstairs? Never mind that now, darling. 1008 00:59:50,092 --> 00:59:52,731 What are you doing with your best clothes on? 1009 00:59:53,252 --> 00:59:55,322 Holy.... What's that? 1010 00:59:57,412 --> 00:59:59,972 What's that thing that looks like a cigar-store dummy? 1011 01:00:00,052 --> 01:00:04,489 -It's your brother and Dr. Einstein. -Didn't I tell you not to let anybody in? 1012 01:00:04,572 --> 01:00:07,723 -Who did you say it was? -It's your brother, Jonathan! 1013 01:00:07,812 --> 01:00:10,884 (Overlapping conversation) 1014 01:00:12,492 --> 01:00:15,325 JONATHAN: I've come back home. MORTIMER: What? 1015 01:00:15,692 --> 01:00:17,523 I've come back home, Mortimer. 1016 01:00:17,612 --> 01:00:20,729 "I've come back home, Mortimer." Listen, it talks! 1017 01:00:21,732 --> 01:00:23,324 Yes, I talk. 1018 01:00:24,172 --> 01:00:28,370 Mortimer, have you forgotten the things I used to do to you... 1019 01:00:28,732 --> 01:00:30,802 ...when you were tied to the bedpost? 1020 01:00:30,892 --> 01:00:34,282 The needles under your fingernails. 1021 01:00:34,492 --> 01:00:36,403 -Mortimer, he-- -Wait a minute. 1022 01:00:44,132 --> 01:00:45,724 Holy mackerel! 1023 01:00:45,932 --> 01:00:46,967 It is Jonathan! 1024 01:00:47,052 --> 01:00:49,247 JONATHAN: I'm glad you remember, Mortimer. 1025 01:00:50,452 --> 01:00:51,851 Yeah, I remember. 1026 01:00:52,292 --> 01:00:53,930 How could I forget you? 1027 01:00:54,372 --> 01:00:56,647 Where'd you get that face? Hollywood? 1028 01:00:57,292 --> 01:01:01,570 Don't you two boys start quarreling the minute you've seen each other. 1029 01:01:01,652 --> 01:01:04,928 We invited Jonathan and Dr. Einstein to stay. 1030 01:01:05,372 --> 01:01:07,363 -What? -Just for tonight. 1031 01:01:07,492 --> 01:01:09,369 No, I'm staying here tonight. 1032 01:01:09,492 --> 01:01:12,052 -In fact, I'm staying here from now on. -What about me? 1033 01:01:12,132 --> 01:01:14,088 There's no room for anybody else here. 1034 01:01:14,172 --> 01:01:15,571 Please, just a moment. 1035 01:01:15,652 --> 01:01:17,927 So take that little squirt and beat it! 1036 01:01:18,132 --> 01:01:20,771 Where's Teddy? I've got to see him right away. 1037 01:01:21,932 --> 01:01:23,809 DR. EINSTEIN: We don't take up much room. 1038 01:01:23,892 --> 01:01:26,884 Johnny can sleep on the sofa, and I'll sleep on the windowseat. 1039 01:01:26,972 --> 01:01:28,246 Nothing to.... 1040 01:01:28,532 --> 01:01:29,885 Windowseat? 1041 01:01:30,652 --> 01:01:32,165 Certainly not on the windowseat. 1042 01:01:32,252 --> 01:01:34,482 I'm going to sleep on the windowseat. 1043 01:01:34,852 --> 01:01:36,729 I'll sleep on the windowseat from now on. 1044 01:01:36,812 --> 01:01:38,291 Mortimer! 1045 01:01:38,772 --> 01:01:39,761 Now look. 1046 01:01:40,732 --> 01:01:42,165 Now, be a good fellow. 1047 01:01:42,252 --> 01:01:44,971 Here's $10. Go out and haunt yourself a hotel. 1048 01:01:47,492 --> 01:01:51,451 Mortimer, you know what I do to people who order me around. 1049 01:01:52,252 --> 01:01:53,731 Johnny.... 1050 01:01:54,652 --> 01:01:56,165 Mr. Spenalzo. 1051 01:01:56,252 --> 01:01:57,287 JONATHAN: What? 1052 01:01:57,372 --> 01:02:00,569 DR. EINSTEIN: What's going to happen to Mr. Spenalzo? 1053 01:02:01,732 --> 01:02:04,485 We can't leave him here in the windowseat. 1054 01:02:09,852 --> 01:02:13,208 Doctor, I've completely lost track of Mr. Spenalzo. 1055 01:02:13,372 --> 01:02:15,761 MORTIMER: Wait! Who's this Mr. Spenalzo? 1056 01:02:15,932 --> 01:02:18,241 A friend of ours Johnny was looking for. 1057 01:02:18,332 --> 01:02:20,800 Don't bring anyone else in here. Now, beat it! 1058 01:02:20,892 --> 01:02:22,245 It's all right, Johnny. 1059 01:02:22,332 --> 01:02:24,926 While we are packing, I'll tell you about him. 1060 01:02:31,132 --> 01:02:34,204 I'll take care of you, Mortimer, in just a little while. 1061 01:02:34,892 --> 01:02:36,564 MORTIMER: How do you like that? 1062 01:02:36,652 --> 01:02:39,928 The guy stays away for 20 years and picks tonight to come back. 1063 01:02:40,012 --> 01:02:41,923 Elaine, what are you doing here? 1064 01:02:42,052 --> 01:02:44,247 -Mortimer! -What's the matter, darling? 1065 01:02:44,332 --> 01:02:47,324 -I almost got killed. -Killed? 1066 01:02:48,292 --> 01:02:49,725 Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha! 1067 01:02:51,092 --> 01:02:52,764 No! It was Jonathan! 1068 01:02:53,132 --> 01:02:55,168 He mistook her for a sneak thief. 1069 01:02:55,252 --> 01:02:57,561 MORTIMER: Oh, that. ELAINE: It was worse than that. 1070 01:02:57,652 --> 01:02:58,926 He's some kind of a maniac. 1071 01:02:59,012 --> 01:03:00,001 I'm afraid of him. 1072 01:03:00,092 --> 01:03:03,209 MORTIMER: Darling, don't worry about it. I'm here now. Forget it. 1073 01:03:03,292 --> 01:03:06,443 ELAINE: We were married today, we were going over Niagara Falls... 1074 01:03:06,532 --> 01:03:09,888 ...your brother tries to strangle me, a taxi's waiting... 1075 01:03:10,092 --> 01:03:12,287 ...and now you want to sleep on a windowseat! 1076 01:03:12,372 --> 01:03:14,203 Windowseat. Witherspoon. 1077 01:03:14,452 --> 01:03:16,408 -You'd better run along home. -What? 1078 01:03:16,492 --> 01:03:19,211 Go on home like a good girl. I got things to do. 1079 01:03:19,292 --> 01:03:20,771 ELAINE: But-- MORTIMER: Please. 1080 01:03:20,852 --> 01:03:23,366 Operator? Get me Happy Dale 2-7-0, please. 1081 01:03:23,652 --> 01:03:26,041 But didn't you hear what I was just saying? 1082 01:03:26,132 --> 01:03:29,169 Your own brother Jonathan, he was trying to strangle me! 1083 01:03:29,292 --> 01:03:31,567 -Please! This is important! -That? 1084 01:03:32,252 --> 01:03:34,402 Mr. Witherspoon? This is Mortimer Brewster. 1085 01:03:34,492 --> 01:03:36,528 Yes, Mr. Brewster. 1086 01:03:37,052 --> 01:03:38,770 Well, I don't understand you. 1087 01:03:38,852 --> 01:03:42,288 ELAINE: He was going to kill me! MORTIMER: Wait, I can't hear the man. 1088 01:03:42,372 --> 01:03:44,522 Well, look. I've got the papers all drawn up. 1089 01:03:44,612 --> 01:03:48,969 I know it's late, but come down here and get my brother immediately! 1090 01:03:49,092 --> 01:03:50,127 Please, darling. 1091 01:03:50,212 --> 01:03:54,046 By the way, you've had the papers signed by your brother and the doctor, of course? 1092 01:03:54,132 --> 01:03:55,281 By the doctor? 1093 01:03:55,412 --> 01:03:58,245 Oh, holy mackerel! I forgot the doctor! 1094 01:03:58,332 --> 01:03:59,811 ELAINE: (Cries) Mortimer! 1095 01:04:00,172 --> 01:04:03,084 Please, be quiet! Can't you see I've got to get a doctor? 1096 01:04:03,372 --> 01:04:05,408 What kind of a doctor? A family doctor? 1097 01:04:05,492 --> 01:04:08,848 You can take your honeymoon, wedding ring, taxi, windowseat... 1098 01:04:08,932 --> 01:04:11,810 ...put them in a barrel, and push them all over Niagara Falls! 1099 01:04:11,892 --> 01:04:13,564 Thank you, darling. Thank you. 1100 01:04:13,652 --> 01:04:15,688 Why don't you come down here anyway? 1101 01:04:15,772 --> 01:04:19,128 While you're getting here, I'll get Teddy's and the doctor's signatures. 1102 01:04:19,212 --> 01:04:20,122 (Door slams) 1103 01:04:20,212 --> 01:04:21,167 Elaine! 1104 01:04:21,252 --> 01:04:24,050 I'll get both signatures. Yeah, well, come right away. 1105 01:04:24,172 --> 01:04:26,402 Elaine! What's the matter with her? 1106 01:04:28,372 --> 01:04:30,363 Elaine! Elaine! 1107 01:04:36,452 --> 01:04:39,330 Let me sit down. Let me think about this thing. 1108 01:04:40,452 --> 01:04:43,205 Doctor, Teddy, signature.... 1109 01:04:43,972 --> 01:04:45,200 Hoskins! 1110 01:05:03,012 --> 01:05:05,128 Ye gods! There's another one! 1111 01:05:06,452 --> 01:05:07,805 Aunt Abby! Aunt Martha! 1112 01:05:07,892 --> 01:05:10,008 MORTIMER: Come in here! ABBY: We're busy. 1113 01:05:10,092 --> 01:05:12,083 No, you come in here now! 1114 01:05:13,972 --> 01:05:16,406 Yes, dear, what is it? Where's Elaine? 1115 01:05:16,612 --> 01:05:18,807 Didn't you promise not to let anyone in? 1116 01:05:18,892 --> 01:05:21,122 -Jonathan just walked in. -I don't mean Jonathan! 1117 01:05:21,212 --> 01:05:24,170 I don't mean Dr. Einstein! Who is that in the windowseat? 1118 01:05:24,252 --> 01:05:25,924 We told you. Mr. Hoskins. 1119 01:05:26,012 --> 01:05:28,367 It is not Mr. Hoskins! 1120 01:05:29,092 --> 01:05:30,047 There! 1121 01:05:32,132 --> 01:05:33,451 Who can that be? 1122 01:05:35,892 --> 01:05:39,328 -Are you saying you've never seen him? -I certainly am. 1123 01:05:39,492 --> 01:05:41,130 This is a fine how-do-you-do! 1124 01:05:41,212 --> 01:05:43,567 It's getting so anyone thinks he can walk in! 1125 01:05:43,692 --> 01:05:47,571 Don't you try to get out of this! That's another one of your gentlemen! 1126 01:05:47,652 --> 01:05:49,802 How can you say such a thing? 1127 01:05:50,172 --> 01:05:52,242 That man's an impostor. 1128 01:05:53,172 --> 01:05:57,085 And if he came here to be buried in our cellar, he's mistaken. 1129 01:05:58,492 --> 01:06:00,960 You admitted you put Mr. Hoskins in the windowseat. 1130 01:06:01,052 --> 01:06:01,848 Yes, I did. 1131 01:06:01,932 --> 01:06:04,651 This man couldn't have got the idea from Mr. Hoskins! 1132 01:06:04,732 --> 01:06:08,168 -By the way, where is Mr. Hoskins? -He must have gone to Panama. 1133 01:06:08,292 --> 01:06:10,010 -What? You buried him? -Not yet. 1134 01:06:10,092 --> 01:06:12,970 He's down there waiting for the services, poor dear. 1135 01:06:13,052 --> 01:06:16,442 We haven't had a minute, what with Jonathan in the house. 1136 01:06:18,452 --> 01:06:19,328 Oh, dear. 1137 01:06:19,492 --> 01:06:22,962 We've always wanted to hold a double funeral. 1138 01:06:23,172 --> 01:06:26,801 But I will not read services over a total stranger! 1139 01:06:27,812 --> 01:06:30,610 A total stranger. How can I believe you? 1140 01:06:30,692 --> 01:06:33,490 There are 12 men down there, you admit you poisoned them! 1141 01:06:33,572 --> 01:06:37,531 Yes, I did. But you don't think I'd stoop to telling a fib! 1142 01:06:38,052 --> 01:06:39,041 ABBY: Martha! 1143 01:06:39,132 --> 01:06:41,088 What do you think has happened? 1144 01:06:41,332 --> 01:06:42,651 "A fib! " 1145 01:06:58,012 --> 01:07:02,210 This may interest you, Mortimer. I've decided that we're staying. 1146 01:07:02,332 --> 01:07:06,644 And I've also decided that you're leaving, and I mean now. 1147 01:07:06,812 --> 01:07:09,770 Listen, handsome. I'm in no mood to debate the question. 1148 01:07:09,852 --> 01:07:12,924 Are you getting out, or am I throwing you out on your ear? 1149 01:07:13,012 --> 01:07:15,242 I've led a strange life. 1150 01:07:16,012 --> 01:07:17,764 Martha, you come straight along here. 1151 01:07:17,852 --> 01:07:20,605 You just look and see what's in that windowseat. 1152 01:07:22,492 --> 01:07:23,720 No. Don't.... 1153 01:07:44,652 --> 01:07:46,131 Jonathan.... 1154 01:07:46,292 --> 01:07:48,931 Let Aunt Martha see what's in the windowseat. 1155 01:07:52,812 --> 01:07:55,770 Aunt Abby, darling, I owe you an apology. 1156 01:07:55,972 --> 01:07:59,248 I've got some very good news for you. Jonathan is leaving. 1157 01:08:00,572 --> 01:08:04,406 And he's taking Dr. Einstein and that cold companion with him. 1158 01:08:09,692 --> 01:08:12,570 Listen. You're my brother, you're a Brewster. 1159 01:08:12,652 --> 01:08:15,803 I'll give you a chance to get away and take the evidence with you. 1160 01:08:15,972 --> 01:08:18,202 You can't ask for more than that. 1161 01:08:19,132 --> 01:08:20,121 Well? 1162 01:08:22,692 --> 01:08:25,684 All right, in that case, I'll have to call the police. 1163 01:08:27,852 --> 01:08:29,729 Don't reach for the telephone. 1164 01:08:29,852 --> 01:08:33,561 JONATHAN: Remember, what happened to Mr. Spenalzo can happen to you, too. 1165 01:08:33,772 --> 01:08:35,046 Spenalzo? 1166 01:08:35,252 --> 01:08:37,527 I knew he was a foreigner. 1167 01:08:38,252 --> 01:08:40,129 Put down that telephone. 1168 01:08:40,212 --> 01:08:41,691 (Doorbell rings) 1169 01:08:48,692 --> 01:08:49,886 ABBY: Officer O'Hara! 1170 01:08:49,972 --> 01:08:52,725 I saw the lights and thought you might have sickness.... 1171 01:08:52,812 --> 01:08:54,643 You got company? Sorry I disturbed you. 1172 01:08:54,732 --> 01:08:57,087 -No! Come in. -Yes, do come in. 1173 01:08:57,172 --> 01:09:00,005 Come right in, Officer. This is our nephew, Mortimer. 1174 01:09:00,092 --> 01:09:01,969 -Pleased to meet you. -Glad to see you. 1175 01:09:02,052 --> 01:09:03,804 And this is another nephew, Jonathan. 1176 01:09:03,892 --> 01:09:05,689 PAT: Pleased to make your acquaintance. 1177 01:09:06,052 --> 01:09:09,010 Your face is familiar. Haven't I seen a picture of you? 1178 01:09:09,092 --> 01:09:10,844 I don't think so. 1179 01:09:10,932 --> 01:09:12,206 PAT: I'll be running along. 1180 01:09:12,292 --> 01:09:13,964 Why? Stay until my brother leaves. 1181 01:09:14,052 --> 01:09:15,405 I got to ring in, Mr.-- 1182 01:09:15,492 --> 01:09:18,564 Are you "the" Mortimer Brewster, the writer and dramatic critic? 1183 01:09:18,692 --> 01:09:19,488 Yes, why? 1184 01:09:19,572 --> 01:09:23,406 What a break for me! I'm a playwright. I'm working on a play now. 1185 01:09:23,532 --> 01:09:26,763 You are? Well, well, well! 1186 01:09:26,972 --> 01:09:30,044 -Maybe I can help you with it. -Would you? What a break! 1187 01:09:30,132 --> 01:09:32,521 I get wonderful ideas, but I can't spell them. 1188 01:09:32,612 --> 01:09:34,967 I can spell like the dickens. Constantinople? 1189 01:09:35,052 --> 01:09:37,646 Let's go into the kitchen. You can tell me all about it. 1190 01:09:37,732 --> 01:09:39,643 Couldn't you whip up a sandwich? 1191 01:09:39,732 --> 01:09:42,963 MARTHA: I hope you don't mind eating in the kitchen, Officer O'Hara. 1192 01:09:43,092 --> 01:09:44,969 And where else would you eat? 1193 01:09:45,052 --> 01:09:46,041 (Laughter) 1194 01:09:46,132 --> 01:09:47,804 MORTIMER: See you in a moment. 1195 01:09:49,492 --> 01:09:51,005 This is your last chance. 1196 01:09:51,092 --> 01:09:53,652 I'll keep O'Hara busy to give you a chance to get out. 1197 01:09:53,732 --> 01:09:56,121 All three of you: you, Dr. Einstein and Spenalzo. 1198 01:09:56,212 --> 01:10:00,490 If you don't leave here, I'll introduce Officer O'Hara to Mr. Spenalzo. 1199 01:10:00,572 --> 01:10:02,005 My play takes place in-- 1200 01:10:02,092 --> 01:10:04,560 I'll be right with you, O'Hara. Right with you. 1201 01:10:05,732 --> 01:10:07,404 Just give me one moment. 1202 01:10:08,212 --> 01:10:10,646 Now get going! All three of you. 1203 01:10:20,172 --> 01:10:23,369 This affair between my brother and myself has got to be settled. 1204 01:10:23,452 --> 01:10:27,127 DR. EINSTEIN: But we've got trouble enough as it is. Come, let's go. 1205 01:10:27,332 --> 01:10:30,324 We're not going. We're sleeping right here in this house. 1206 01:10:30,412 --> 01:10:34,291 DR. EINSTEIN: With a cop in the kitchen and Spenalzo in the windowseat? 1207 01:10:34,492 --> 01:10:38,041 That's all he's got on us. We'll take Spenalzo and dump him in the bay. 1208 01:10:38,132 --> 01:10:41,522 After that, we're coming back here. Then if he tries to interfere-- 1209 01:10:41,612 --> 01:10:43,364 No, no, Johnny. No, please. 1210 01:10:43,452 --> 01:10:46,489 We've got a wonderful setup here. We can make a fortune. 1211 01:10:46,692 --> 01:10:51,083 Two old ladies as a front. Only Mortimer stands in our way. 1212 01:10:51,292 --> 01:10:53,601 JONATHAN: I never did like Mortimer. 1213 01:10:53,772 --> 01:10:55,922 DR. EINSTEIN: Please, take it easy. Please! 1214 01:10:56,132 --> 01:10:58,168 Doctor, you know when I make up my mind-- 1215 01:10:58,292 --> 01:11:01,329 DR. EINSTEIN: When you make up your mind, you lose your head. 1216 01:11:01,532 --> 01:11:04,171 Look, Brooklyn ain't a good setup for you. 1217 01:11:05,332 --> 01:11:07,721 Okay, Johnny. Okay! 1218 01:11:09,252 --> 01:11:12,608 JONATHAN: Take the instruments and hide them in the cellar. Move fast. 1219 01:11:13,812 --> 01:11:14,801 Mr. Brewster.... 1220 01:11:14,932 --> 01:11:18,004 -You don't know what goes on in Brooklyn. -I don't know. 1221 01:11:18,132 --> 01:11:20,851 -My mother was an actress. -Legitimate? 1222 01:11:20,932 --> 01:11:22,570 Of course. She was my mother. 1223 01:11:22,652 --> 01:11:24,688 -Excuse me. -Peaches La Tour was her name. 1224 01:11:25,252 --> 01:11:26,241 Hey, Johnny.... 1225 01:11:26,332 --> 01:11:28,129 -Come quick! -What's the matter? 1226 01:11:28,212 --> 01:11:29,611 You know that hole in the cellar? 1227 01:11:29,692 --> 01:11:30,727 JONATHAN: Yes. 1228 01:11:30,812 --> 01:11:32,803 Well, we got an ace in the hole. 1229 01:11:34,652 --> 01:11:37,450 It's no fly-by-night idea. I worked on it for 12 years. 1230 01:11:37,852 --> 01:11:40,047 Well, rehash it. I'll be back in a minute. 1231 01:11:40,132 --> 01:11:41,770 -Swell. -I like the first act. 1232 01:11:41,852 --> 01:11:43,729 I didn't tell you the first-- 1233 01:11:51,012 --> 01:11:52,764 I thought I told you.... 1234 01:11:54,652 --> 01:11:56,131 Jonathan! 1235 01:11:57,452 --> 01:11:59,170 JONATHAN: Yes, Mortimer. 1236 01:12:01,052 --> 01:12:04,249 MORTIMER: What are you doing still here? I thought I said beat it. 1237 01:12:04,332 --> 01:12:05,321 We're not going. 1238 01:12:05,412 --> 01:12:07,403 MORTIMER: You're not going? DR. EINSTEIN: No. 1239 01:12:07,492 --> 01:12:09,084 MORTIMER: You stay out of this. 1240 01:12:09,172 --> 01:12:11,083 All right, you asked for it. 1241 01:12:11,292 --> 01:12:13,283 MORTIMER: Officer O'Hara? PAT: Coming. 1242 01:12:13,732 --> 01:12:16,121 If you tell O'Hara what's in the windowseat... 1243 01:12:16,212 --> 01:12:18,203 ...l'll tell him what's in the cellar. 1244 01:12:18,292 --> 01:12:19,247 Cellar? 1245 01:12:19,532 --> 01:12:23,127 There's an elderly gentleman down there who seems to be very dead. 1246 01:12:24,652 --> 01:12:27,246 -What were you doing there? -What's he doing there? 1247 01:12:27,332 --> 01:12:29,607 Now what are you going to tell O'Hara? 1248 01:12:29,932 --> 01:12:33,163 Your aunts want to hear the rest. Shall I bring them in here? 1249 01:12:33,292 --> 01:12:35,852 You can't do that now. You'd better ring in. 1250 01:12:36,052 --> 01:12:38,725 The heck with ringing in! I want to tell you the plot. 1251 01:12:38,812 --> 01:12:41,167 You can't tell me in front of those two fellas. 1252 01:12:41,252 --> 01:12:42,287 Lowbrows, huh? 1253 01:12:42,412 --> 01:12:45,722 Let's go where we can be alone. I'll meet you there later. 1254 01:12:45,852 --> 01:12:48,127 How about the backroom at Kelly's? 1255 01:12:48,252 --> 01:12:51,050 Fine place. Bohemian atmosphere. Genius at work. 1256 01:12:51,132 --> 01:12:53,043 You ring in and I'll meet you at Kelly's. 1257 01:12:53,172 --> 01:12:55,561 JONATHAN: Why don't you both go down in the cellar? 1258 01:12:55,652 --> 01:12:57,483 That's all right with me. 1259 01:12:57,612 --> 01:13:00,763 There's a much more literary atmosphere in Kelly's, I assure you. 1260 01:13:00,852 --> 01:13:02,331 PAT: This opening will kill you. 1261 01:13:02,412 --> 01:13:04,323 I'm waiting to be born and the doctor-- 1262 01:13:04,412 --> 01:13:05,561 The doctor! 1263 01:13:05,692 --> 01:13:08,126 Look, you ring in and I'll see you later. 1264 01:13:08,252 --> 01:13:11,130 You won't stand me up, will you? This is a great play. 1265 01:13:11,212 --> 01:13:13,203 -I'll see you down there. -Can't wait! 1266 01:13:13,292 --> 01:13:14,486 Doctor, doctor. 1267 01:13:14,652 --> 01:13:17,007 Where are those papers? There they are. 1268 01:13:18,452 --> 01:13:22,127 You're smug, aren't you? You think you've got it over me. You haven't. 1269 01:13:22,332 --> 01:13:26,166 You think I'm afraid to tell about Spenalzo because of Hoskins. Well, I'm not! 1270 01:13:26,252 --> 01:13:27,605 The moment I get Spenalzo.... 1271 01:13:27,692 --> 01:13:30,923 The moment the doctor signs, I don't care who knows about Hoskins. 1272 01:13:31,012 --> 01:13:34,084 And you better feel the same way about Spenalzo. Yes, Spenalzo! 1273 01:13:34,172 --> 01:13:35,525 JONATHAN: Where are you going? 1274 01:13:35,612 --> 01:13:37,170 To the doctor's. Where do you.... 1275 01:13:37,252 --> 01:13:40,005 When I come back, I expect to find you gone. Wait for me! 1276 01:13:40,692 --> 01:13:42,569 We'll wait for him. 1277 01:13:43,572 --> 01:13:45,164 Did he look guilty! 1278 01:13:45,852 --> 01:13:49,003 Well, Martha, I think we can start the services now. 1279 01:13:50,372 --> 01:13:52,169 ABBY: We thought we heard you leave. 1280 01:13:52,252 --> 01:13:55,210 Perish the thought, dear aunties. That was just Mortimer. 1281 01:13:55,292 --> 01:13:57,123 And speaking of services... 1282 01:13:57,252 --> 01:14:01,484 ...will you make us some coffee while we take Spenalzo down to the cellar? 1283 01:14:02,132 --> 01:14:04,692 MARTHA: No, Jonathan. You've got to take him with you! 1284 01:14:04,812 --> 01:14:08,009 There's a friend of Mortimer's downstairs waiting for him. 1285 01:14:08,132 --> 01:14:11,283 ABBY: A friend of Mortimer's? JONATHAN: Take his feet, Doctor. 1286 01:14:11,772 --> 01:14:14,491 Mr. Spenalzo and he will get along fine together. 1287 01:14:14,572 --> 01:14:16,005 They're both dead. 1288 01:14:16,852 --> 01:14:18,524 He must mean Mr. Hoskins. 1289 01:14:18,652 --> 01:14:20,131 DR. EINSTEIN: Mr. Hoskins? 1290 01:14:25,092 --> 01:14:27,128 You know about what's down there? 1291 01:14:27,252 --> 01:14:30,483 Of course we do. And he's no friend of Mortimer's. 1292 01:14:30,612 --> 01:14:33,206 -He's one of our gentlemen. -Your gentlemen? 1293 01:14:33,412 --> 01:14:37,121 Yes. And we won't have any strangers buried in our cellar. 1294 01:14:37,292 --> 01:14:40,284 -But Mr. Hoskins-- -Mr. Hoskins is no stranger. 1295 01:14:40,412 --> 01:14:42,846 Besides, there's no room for Mr. Spenalzo. 1296 01:14:42,932 --> 01:14:44,763 The cellar's crowded already. 1297 01:14:44,852 --> 01:14:46,285 Crowded? With what? 1298 01:14:46,412 --> 01:14:49,006 There are 12 graves down there now. 1299 01:14:55,012 --> 01:14:56,491 Twelve graves. 1300 01:14:56,572 --> 01:14:59,723 That leaves very little room and we're going to need it. 1301 01:15:00,052 --> 01:15:02,646 You mean, you and Aunt Martha have murdered 12-- 1302 01:15:02,772 --> 01:15:05,889 Murdered? Certainly not. It's one of our charities. 1303 01:15:05,972 --> 01:15:08,691 MARTHA: Why, what we've been doing is a mercy. 1304 01:15:08,812 --> 01:15:12,964 So you just take your Mr. Spenalzo out of here. 1305 01:15:13,052 --> 01:15:14,724 (Dr. Einstein cackles) 1306 01:15:17,692 --> 01:15:19,728 You've done all that... 1307 01:15:20,212 --> 01:15:24,046 ...right here in this house and buried them in the cellar? 1308 01:15:25,412 --> 01:15:27,846 That's wonderful, Johnny! 1309 01:15:28,132 --> 01:15:30,362 We've been chased all over the world... 1310 01:15:30,452 --> 01:15:34,411 ...and they stay right here in Brooklyn, and they do just as good as you do. 1311 01:15:34,532 --> 01:15:35,567 What? 1312 01:15:36,932 --> 01:15:39,082 You got 12, they got 12. 1313 01:15:39,572 --> 01:15:40,687 I've got 13. 1314 01:15:40,892 --> 01:15:44,089 -No, Johnny, 12. Don't brag. -Thirteen. 1315 01:15:44,332 --> 01:15:47,768 There's Mr. Spenalzo. Then the first one in London. 1316 01:15:47,972 --> 01:15:50,770 Two in Johannesburg, one in Sydney, one in Melbourne... 1317 01:15:50,852 --> 01:15:53,491 ...two in San Francisco, one in Phoenix, Arizona. 1318 01:15:53,572 --> 01:15:54,561 Phoenix? 1319 01:15:54,812 --> 01:15:57,201 -The filling station. -Filling.... 1320 01:15:57,332 --> 01:16:00,165 Three in Chicago and one in South Bend. 1321 01:16:00,372 --> 01:16:01,646 That makes 13. 1322 01:16:01,732 --> 01:16:05,042 You cannot count the one in South Bend. He died of pneumonia. 1323 01:16:05,132 --> 01:16:07,965 He wouldn't have died of pneumonia if I hadn't shot him. 1324 01:16:08,052 --> 01:16:10,043 You cannot count him. 1325 01:16:10,372 --> 01:16:12,727 You got 12, they got 12. 1326 01:16:12,852 --> 01:16:16,162 DR. EINSTEIN: The old ladies is just as good as you are. 1327 01:16:18,932 --> 01:16:20,923 They are, are they? 1328 01:16:21,972 --> 01:16:24,406 Well, that's easily taken care of. 1329 01:16:24,612 --> 01:16:27,046 All I need is one more. 1330 01:16:27,252 --> 01:16:30,005 That's all. Just one more. 1331 01:16:31,292 --> 01:16:34,762 And I've a pretty good idea who it is. 1332 01:16:35,372 --> 01:16:38,489 I'm a lucky man to have caught you at home, Dr. Gilchrist. 1333 01:16:38,572 --> 01:16:40,244 This is most irregular. 1334 01:16:40,372 --> 01:16:43,967 I'm sorry to have dragged you out of bed, but only you can help me. 1335 01:16:44,052 --> 01:16:47,601 I know Teddy blows bugles, but I can't commit a man just on that. 1336 01:16:47,732 --> 01:16:49,085 If you'd talk with him... 1337 01:16:49,172 --> 01:16:51,970 ...l'm sure you'd be convinced. Here's the house l-- 1338 01:16:52,052 --> 01:16:54,361 (Abby and Martha sing hymns) 1339 01:16:54,452 --> 01:16:56,204 -There goes Hoskins. -Who? 1340 01:16:56,332 --> 01:16:58,209 What? Did I say.... 1341 01:17:00,212 --> 01:17:01,645 -You better wait. -Here? 1342 01:17:01,732 --> 01:17:02,960 I'll bring Teddy out. 1343 01:17:03,052 --> 01:17:05,930 I wouldn't want to alarm the old ladies, seeing a doctor. 1344 01:17:06,012 --> 01:17:08,162 -You wait here. -In the cemetery? 1345 01:17:08,372 --> 01:17:09,566 It's Halloween. 1346 01:17:09,652 --> 01:17:11,927 The pixies won't be out till after midnight. 1347 01:17:12,012 --> 01:17:15,687 Make yourself comfortable. Pull up a tombstone. I'll be right back. 1348 01:17:16,212 --> 01:17:17,770 -Hey, $22.50! -What? 1349 01:17:17,892 --> 01:17:18,881 $22.50! 1350 01:17:19,012 --> 01:17:21,207 Oh, yes, looks good on you! 1351 01:17:21,852 --> 01:17:23,604 CAB DRIVER: Not the suit, the meter! 1352 01:17:24,972 --> 01:17:27,770 "Looks good on me." $22.50. 1353 01:17:31,692 --> 01:17:34,764 -Did you give him a 21-gun salute? -Yes, with a Maxim silencer. 1354 01:17:34,852 --> 01:17:37,082 CAB DRIVER: Five more bucks and you'll own it. 1355 01:17:37,172 --> 01:17:39,163 No, thanks. It wouldn't fit me. 1356 01:17:40,932 --> 01:17:43,844 -Mr. President, may I present-- -Dr. Livingstone! 1357 01:17:43,932 --> 01:17:46,969 -Livingstone? -That's what he presumes. 1358 01:17:47,092 --> 01:17:49,811 The doctor would like to have a few words with you. 1359 01:17:49,892 --> 01:17:52,770 Certainly. Welcome to Washington. 1360 01:17:52,932 --> 01:17:55,685 Arlington is beautiful at this time of year, is it not? 1361 01:17:55,772 --> 01:17:57,330 DR. GILCHRIST: Yes, indeed. 1362 01:18:02,212 --> 01:18:04,487 Well now, that's that. 1363 01:18:04,692 --> 01:18:06,683 It gives me a chance to rest. 1364 01:18:10,412 --> 01:18:11,731 So far, so good. 1365 01:18:14,452 --> 01:18:15,726 Not so good. 1366 01:18:21,612 --> 01:18:23,523 Do you or do you not love me? 1367 01:18:23,652 --> 01:18:25,244 Oh, Elaine.... 1368 01:18:25,332 --> 01:18:28,847 How can you say such a thing? Darling, of course I love you. 1369 01:18:28,932 --> 01:18:30,604 -Do you? -Yes, darling. 1370 01:18:30,732 --> 01:18:34,088 Then why have you been treating me the way you have? 1371 01:18:37,012 --> 01:18:40,846 Darling, I love you so much, I can't go through with our marriage. 1372 01:18:43,132 --> 01:18:44,690 Have you suddenly gone crazy? 1373 01:18:44,772 --> 01:18:47,491 I don't think so, but it's only a matter of time. 1374 01:18:47,572 --> 01:18:51,087 Darling, would you want to have children with three heads? 1375 01:18:51,172 --> 01:18:55,051 You wouldn't want to set up housekeeping in a padded cell. 1376 01:18:55,212 --> 01:18:58,249 -What are you talking about? -Well, I don't quite know. 1377 01:18:58,452 --> 01:19:01,762 I probably should have told you this before, but you see... 1378 01:19:01,852 --> 01:19:04,924 ...well, insanity runs in my family. 1379 01:19:05,012 --> 01:19:06,001 (Hymns continue) 1380 01:19:06,092 --> 01:19:08,083 It practically gallops. 1381 01:19:09,892 --> 01:19:12,406 Just because Teddy's strange, that doesn't mean-- 1382 01:19:12,492 --> 01:19:14,926 No, darling. It's way back before Teddy. 1383 01:19:15,132 --> 01:19:18,807 This goes back to the first Brewster who came over on the Mayflower. 1384 01:19:19,092 --> 01:19:22,926 You know how in those days the lndians used to scalp the settlers? 1385 01:19:23,372 --> 01:19:25,408 He used to scalp the lndians. 1386 01:19:26,252 --> 01:19:28,004 Darling, that's ancient history. 1387 01:19:28,092 --> 01:19:31,562 Doctor, I'll run for a third term, but I won't be elected. 1388 01:19:31,652 --> 01:19:34,485 That'll mean the last of the Roosevelts in the White House. 1389 01:19:34,572 --> 01:19:37,928 -That's what you think. -Of course, if the country insists.... 1390 01:19:38,012 --> 01:19:40,207 Darling, all this doesn't prove a thing. 1391 01:19:40,292 --> 01:19:43,170 Look at your aunts. They're Brewsters, aren't they? 1392 01:19:43,252 --> 01:19:45,925 They're the sweetest, sanest people I've ever known. 1393 01:19:48,332 --> 01:19:51,130 Well, even they have their peculiarities. 1394 01:19:51,212 --> 01:19:54,090 What of it? So your family's crazy. So you're crazy. 1395 01:19:54,172 --> 01:19:55,969 That's the way I love you. 1396 01:19:56,332 --> 01:19:58,641 I'm crazy too, but kiss me. 1397 01:19:58,972 --> 01:20:00,530 No, no. I.... 1398 01:20:04,092 --> 01:20:07,368 Goodbye, Ambassador. I've enjoyed this little talk very much. 1399 01:20:07,452 --> 01:20:10,842 Anytime you're in Washington, drop in to see me at the White House. 1400 01:20:16,612 --> 01:20:19,285 -Those papers. -Go away. Papers! 1401 01:20:19,452 --> 01:20:21,886 -I'll commit him to any place. -You will? 1402 01:20:21,972 --> 01:20:24,202 I've just been appointed Ambassador to Bolivia! 1403 01:20:24,292 --> 01:20:26,886 You see? Didn't I tell you? 1404 01:20:26,972 --> 01:20:30,044 Don't worry about that. Just go on signing the papers. 1405 01:20:31,092 --> 01:20:32,161 Thank you. 1406 01:20:34,332 --> 01:20:38,007 ABBY: All right! We'll find out whose house this is! 1407 01:20:38,132 --> 01:20:40,726 ABBY: I'm warning you, you better stop it. 1408 01:20:40,812 --> 01:20:44,248 There's no use doing what you're doing. It'll just have to be undone. 1409 01:20:44,332 --> 01:20:45,970 JONATHAN: Aunt Abby, go to bed! 1410 01:20:46,092 --> 01:20:50,005 It's a terrible thing to do to bury a good Methodist with a foreigner. 1411 01:20:50,092 --> 01:20:51,491 Where have you been? 1412 01:20:51,572 --> 01:20:54,132 Getting some papers signed. Is Teddy in his room? 1413 01:20:54,212 --> 01:20:55,930 What is the matter with you? 1414 01:20:56,012 --> 01:20:58,924 Running around getting papers signed at a time like this. 1415 01:20:59,012 --> 01:21:01,128 Martha and I are going for the police. 1416 01:21:01,212 --> 01:21:02,167 Police! 1417 01:21:02,892 --> 01:21:04,041 Wait! 1418 01:21:04,132 --> 01:21:06,441 -You can't go for the police. -Oh, no? 1419 01:21:06,572 --> 01:21:08,244 You know what Jonathan's doing? 1420 01:21:08,332 --> 01:21:11,210 He's putting Mr. Hoskins and Mr. Spenalzo in together. 1421 01:21:11,292 --> 01:21:12,520 All right, let him. 1422 01:21:12,612 --> 01:21:15,251 DR. EINSTEIN: This is all fixed up nice now. 1423 01:21:15,452 --> 01:21:17,807 Nice and smooth like a lake. 1424 01:21:17,972 --> 01:21:21,965 The President will be very proud of his Panama Canal. 1425 01:21:23,532 --> 01:21:25,887 Johnny, bed feels good already. 1426 01:21:25,972 --> 01:21:29,521 You know, we didn't get any sleep for 48 hours. 1427 01:21:29,652 --> 01:21:31,370 You're forgetting, Doctor. 1428 01:21:32,612 --> 01:21:35,888 If Jonathan and Mr. Spenalzo aren't out this house before morning... 1429 01:21:35,972 --> 01:21:37,724 ...we're going for the police. 1430 01:21:37,812 --> 01:21:39,450 I'll get them out, I promise! 1431 01:21:39,532 --> 01:21:43,445 -Then you get the wedding silver. -Remember, no police! No police! 1432 01:21:43,932 --> 01:21:45,843 Look, go to bed, will you? 1433 01:21:45,972 --> 01:21:49,442 Get out of those clothes! You look like a double blackout. 1434 01:21:49,612 --> 01:21:51,967 My brother, Mortimer. 1435 01:21:52,252 --> 01:21:53,970 I just heard him upstairs. 1436 01:21:54,612 --> 01:21:57,046 No! I am tired. 1437 01:21:57,132 --> 01:22:01,410 You forget, I got to operate on your face tomorrow. 1438 01:22:01,612 --> 01:22:04,410 JONATHAN: You are going to operate tomorrow, Doctor. 1439 01:22:04,572 --> 01:22:07,245 But tonight we are taking care ofMortimer. 1440 01:22:07,372 --> 01:22:10,409 But Johnny, not tonight! I'm sleepy. 1441 01:22:10,492 --> 01:22:12,926 We'll do it tomorrow. Or the next day. 1442 01:22:13,292 --> 01:22:15,203 JONATHAN: Look at me, Doctor. 1443 01:22:16,052 --> 01:22:19,761 You can see that it's got to be done, can't you? 1444 01:22:20,012 --> 01:22:23,482 Yeah, I know that look. 1445 01:22:23,692 --> 01:22:26,968 It's a little late to dissolve our partnership. 1446 01:22:27,172 --> 01:22:29,561 Okay, Johnny. Okay, we'll do it. 1447 01:22:29,692 --> 01:22:32,889 But the quick way, huh? The quick twist like in London. 1448 01:22:33,092 --> 01:22:37,051 No, Doctor. I think this calls for something special. 1449 01:22:37,732 --> 01:22:41,122 I think, perhaps, the Melbourne method. 1450 01:22:41,292 --> 01:22:43,965 Not the Melbourne method, please! 1451 01:22:44,092 --> 01:22:45,764 Two hours! 1452 01:22:45,932 --> 01:22:48,287 And then when it was all over, what? 1453 01:22:48,492 --> 01:22:52,246 The fellow in London was just as dead as the fellow in Melbourne. 1454 01:22:53,972 --> 01:22:55,564 Don't do that, Mr. President. 1455 01:22:55,652 --> 01:22:58,530 But I cannot sign anything without consulting my Cabinet. 1456 01:22:58,612 --> 01:22:59,840 This must be secret. 1457 01:22:59,932 --> 01:23:02,571 A secret proclamation? How unusual. 1458 01:23:02,772 --> 01:23:05,605 Yes, it's the only way we can outsmart the other fellow. 1459 01:23:05,692 --> 01:23:07,922 -Who's the other fellow? -That's the secret. 1460 01:23:08,012 --> 01:23:09,764 Oh, I see! 1461 01:23:10,292 --> 01:23:11,520 Very clever. 1462 01:23:11,852 --> 01:23:14,366 A secret proclamation has to be signed in secret. 1463 01:23:14,452 --> 01:23:17,410 -Of course, Mr. President. -I'll put on my signing clothes. 1464 01:23:17,492 --> 01:23:19,608 You already have them on, Mr. President. 1465 01:23:19,692 --> 01:23:21,922 So I have. Wait here. 1466 01:23:25,252 --> 01:23:27,208 (Whispers) Hey, Mr. Brewster. 1467 01:23:27,332 --> 01:23:28,845 MORTIMER: What is it, mice? 1468 01:23:31,932 --> 01:23:34,844 -You get out of this house. -Can't you see I'm busy? 1469 01:23:34,972 --> 01:23:36,451 (Bugle blows) 1470 01:23:43,492 --> 01:23:45,164 Thank you, Mr. President. 1471 01:23:45,732 --> 01:23:48,371 What a load off my mind. Boy, could I use a drink! 1472 01:23:48,452 --> 01:23:52,001 -Get out of here, will you, please? -What? Speak up. I can't hear you. 1473 01:23:52,092 --> 01:23:53,889 Johnny's in a bad mood. Get out! 1474 01:23:53,972 --> 01:23:57,328 -Stop underplaying. I can't hear you. -Please listen to me. Get out. 1475 01:23:57,412 --> 01:24:01,007 Stop all this! What are you doing? Look, Doc-- Are you really a doctor? 1476 01:24:01,092 --> 01:24:02,889 Yes, Heidelberg, 1919. 1477 01:24:03,012 --> 01:24:05,572 Heidelberg? How'd you hook up with Jonathan? 1478 01:24:05,692 --> 01:24:09,571 I tell you later about that, but you go now. Please listen to me. 1479 01:24:10,532 --> 01:24:11,851 Stop it, Doctor! 1480 01:24:11,932 --> 01:24:14,810 You get out of here! Look, when Johnny's in that mood... 1481 01:24:14,892 --> 01:24:17,087 ...he's a madman. He's a maniac! 1482 01:24:17,292 --> 01:24:20,250 And then things happen. Horrible things. 1483 01:24:20,332 --> 01:24:22,527 -Get out of here! -Will you stop it? 1484 01:24:22,612 --> 01:24:25,206 Stop telling me about Jonathan, I'll take care of him. 1485 01:24:25,292 --> 01:24:28,090 You take care of yourself. Get going, little fellow. 1486 01:24:28,172 --> 01:24:30,208 -What's that? Wait. -My schnapps. 1487 01:24:30,292 --> 01:24:32,760 -I could use that. -That's mine. 1488 01:24:33,932 --> 01:24:36,002 Please. Only for dramatic critics. 1489 01:24:36,092 --> 01:24:38,811 You beat it before things start popping around here. 1490 01:24:38,892 --> 01:24:40,962 But, look, Mr. Brewster, please. 1491 01:24:41,052 --> 01:24:42,610 You've just been married. 1492 01:24:42,692 --> 01:24:46,082 You have a nice little wife waiting for you. Please go now. 1493 01:24:46,332 --> 01:24:47,526 Please. 1494 01:24:49,092 --> 01:24:51,083 (Exasperated mutters) 1495 01:24:51,572 --> 01:24:54,245 Don't those plays you see all the time teach you anything? 1496 01:24:54,532 --> 01:24:58,081 Don't get me on the subject of plays! I've got to wait for Mr. Witherspoon. 1497 01:24:58,172 --> 01:25:00,606 At least people in plays act like they got sense. 1498 01:25:00,692 --> 01:25:03,490 Did anybody in a play ever act like they got intelligence? 1499 01:25:03,572 --> 01:25:06,723 -How can somebody be so stupid? -You ought to have my job. 1500 01:25:06,852 --> 01:25:10,811 When you get out of prison, have yourself wheeled to the Garrick Theater. 1501 01:25:11,132 --> 01:25:14,442 There's a play that's so bad, it'll still be running when you get out. 1502 01:25:14,532 --> 01:25:16,329 There's a man.... Now listen to this. 1503 01:25:16,412 --> 01:25:19,848 He knows he's in the house with murderers and should know he's in danger. 1504 01:25:19,932 --> 01:25:22,321 He's even been warned to get out. And does he go? 1505 01:25:22,412 --> 01:25:24,130 No, he doesn't. He stays! 1506 01:25:24,412 --> 01:25:28,803 This fellow doesn't even have sense to be scared or to be on his guard. 1507 01:25:29,012 --> 01:25:30,968 The murderer even invites him to sit down. 1508 01:25:31,052 --> 01:25:32,963 -What do you think he does? -I don't know. 1509 01:25:33,052 --> 01:25:34,690 He sits down! 1510 01:25:34,772 --> 01:25:37,889 He deliberately pulls up a chair and he sits down in it. 1511 01:25:38,012 --> 01:25:39,445 Isn't that great? 1512 01:25:40,292 --> 01:25:43,602 So there he is, all waiting to be trussed up and gagged. 1513 01:25:44,372 --> 01:25:48,160 What do you think they tied him up with? The curtain cord. 1514 01:25:49,252 --> 01:25:50,731 DR. EINSTEIN: Curtain cord? 1515 01:25:51,012 --> 01:25:52,889 But didn't he see him get it? 1516 01:25:52,972 --> 01:25:56,044 No. The silly chump sits down with his back toward the murderer. 1517 01:25:56,132 --> 01:25:58,930 All he has to do is look around, but does he? No! 1518 01:26:00,292 --> 01:26:03,728 MORTIMER: See, brother Heidelberg, in a play or even in a movie... 1519 01:26:03,972 --> 01:26:07,123 ...a fellow never sees or hears anything. That's right. 1520 01:26:07,212 --> 01:26:09,043 DR. EINSTEIN: But what does he do? 1521 01:26:09,292 --> 01:26:12,921 The big chump sits there. This fellow's supposed to be bright. 1522 01:26:13,012 --> 01:26:16,163 Now get a load of this. Look at the attitude. 1523 01:26:16,492 --> 01:26:20,121 Large as life! He sits there waiting to be tied up and gagged. 1524 01:26:20,692 --> 01:26:22,011 The big dope! 1525 01:26:24,652 --> 01:26:28,122 (Dramatic instrumental music) 1526 01:26:30,772 --> 01:26:34,481 You were right about that fellow. He wasn't very bright. 1527 01:26:35,692 --> 01:26:37,125 JONATHAN: Yes, Mortimer. 1528 01:26:38,172 --> 01:26:40,686 I've been away for 20 years. 1529 01:26:40,972 --> 01:26:44,123 But never, my dear brother, were you out of my mind. 1530 01:26:46,492 --> 01:26:49,723 In Melbourne one night, I dreamt of you. 1531 01:26:53,252 --> 01:26:56,528 (Dramatic instrumental music) 1532 01:27:11,572 --> 01:27:15,281 The more you struggle the more you strangle yourself. 1533 01:27:17,972 --> 01:27:20,645 Later on, you may consider that a blessing. 1534 01:27:52,892 --> 01:27:54,086 Now, Doctor... 1535 01:27:55,892 --> 01:27:57,405 ...we go to work. 1536 01:27:57,492 --> 01:27:59,847 Johnny, for me, the quick way. Please. 1537 01:28:00,892 --> 01:28:03,645 -This must be an artistic achievement. -Please. 1538 01:28:03,852 --> 01:28:07,401 After all, we're performing before a very distinguished critic. 1539 01:28:08,052 --> 01:28:09,280 DR. EINSTEIN: Please! 1540 01:28:10,052 --> 01:28:13,362 All right. Let's get it over with. 1541 01:28:14,252 --> 01:28:17,642 But I cannot see this without the drink. 1542 01:28:18,292 --> 01:28:20,089 JONATHAN: Pull yourself together. 1543 01:28:20,172 --> 01:28:23,960 But I can't pull myself together without a drink. 1544 01:28:24,052 --> 01:28:26,885 You remember when we came in, there was some wine. 1545 01:28:26,972 --> 01:28:29,805 And then they took it. Where did they put it? 1546 01:28:31,212 --> 01:28:33,123 I found some wine. 1547 01:28:34,572 --> 01:28:36,563 Here, I'll split it with you. 1548 01:28:36,652 --> 01:28:39,246 We both have a drink before we operate. 1549 01:28:39,492 --> 01:28:43,883 I am so happy that we don't have to operate without a drink. 1550 01:28:48,852 --> 01:28:50,126 JONATHAN: Doctor. 1551 01:28:50,412 --> 01:28:51,811 One moment, please. 1552 01:28:52,652 --> 01:28:54,449 Where are your manners? 1553 01:28:57,092 --> 01:28:58,571 Yes, Mortimer. 1554 01:28:58,812 --> 01:29:02,691 I realize now that it was you who brought me back to Brooklyn. 1555 01:29:02,772 --> 01:29:04,171 We drink to you. 1556 01:29:05,492 --> 01:29:07,403 To my dear, dead brother. 1557 01:29:13,852 --> 01:29:15,205 (Bugle blows) 1558 01:29:21,652 --> 01:29:23,131 (Clock chimes) 1559 01:29:24,292 --> 01:29:25,520 JONATHAN: That idiot! 1560 01:29:25,612 --> 01:29:27,443 He goes next. That's all. He goes next! 1561 01:29:27,532 --> 01:29:29,090 DR. EINSTEIN: Not Teddy! Please! 1562 01:29:29,252 --> 01:29:31,766 -We'll get to him later. -You won't at all! 1563 01:29:31,932 --> 01:29:33,809 We have to work fast. The quick way. 1564 01:29:33,892 --> 01:29:35,405 The quick way, yes! 1565 01:29:35,492 --> 01:29:38,723 If it has to be, then the quick way. I'll help you. 1566 01:29:39,052 --> 01:29:40,531 (Doorbell rings) 1567 01:29:52,892 --> 01:29:55,008 The colonel has to quit blowing that horn. 1568 01:29:55,092 --> 01:29:58,050 It's all right. We're taking the bugle away from him. 1569 01:29:58,132 --> 01:30:01,090 I'd better talk to him myself. Where's the lights? 1570 01:30:03,652 --> 01:30:05,722 (Muffled shouts) 1571 01:30:07,292 --> 01:30:08,964 You stood me up! 1572 01:30:09,532 --> 01:30:12,444 PAT: I've been waiting for you for over an hour at Kelly's. 1573 01:30:13,412 --> 01:30:15,368 -What happened to him? -Nothing. 1574 01:30:15,532 --> 01:30:20,526 He was explaining a play he saw and that's what happened to a man in the play. 1575 01:30:21,212 --> 01:30:22,122 I see. 1576 01:30:22,652 --> 01:30:24,722 Did that really happen in a play you saw? 1577 01:30:25,092 --> 01:30:27,401 How do you like that? You can't trust nobody. 1578 01:30:27,492 --> 01:30:29,926 They practically stole that from my play. 1579 01:30:30,252 --> 01:30:33,961 In the second act, just-- Maybe I'd better start at the beginning. 1580 01:30:35,932 --> 01:30:37,285 Yeah, sure. 1581 01:30:40,492 --> 01:30:41,971 No. 1582 01:30:42,892 --> 01:30:45,360 You've got to hear the plot! 1583 01:30:48,492 --> 01:30:52,201 My mother's making up. Like a flash, out of a clear sky... 1584 01:30:52,332 --> 01:30:54,926 ...the door opens and a man with a mustache comes in. 1585 01:30:55,012 --> 01:30:58,641 He says, "Miss Peaches La Tour, will you marry me?" 1586 01:30:59,492 --> 01:31:04,202 That's the first scene. My mother doesn't say they're married. That's the surprise! 1587 01:31:04,332 --> 01:31:05,606 What a kick! 1588 01:31:06,052 --> 01:31:09,522 Twenty-five years pass. Well, in the meantime, there's me. 1589 01:31:09,692 --> 01:31:13,048 Growing into a magnificent specimen. So what do I do? 1590 01:31:13,132 --> 01:31:16,329 I join the police force and become one of New York's finest. 1591 01:31:16,412 --> 01:31:19,848 I'm cleaning out a crooked laundry, see? Little do I know it... 1592 01:31:19,972 --> 01:31:22,361 ...but a dope fiend with a knife is after me. 1593 01:31:22,452 --> 01:31:23,931 I'm in great danger. 1594 01:31:25,292 --> 01:31:28,284 It's getting you, ain't it? I can see it in your eyes. 1595 01:31:29,732 --> 01:31:31,529 You ain't heard nothing yet. 1596 01:31:31,652 --> 01:31:34,724 All of a sudden, a fire breaks out. What an effect! 1597 01:31:34,812 --> 01:31:37,121 Firemen rush in and who's leading them? 1598 01:31:37,372 --> 01:31:39,408 Mayor Fiorello La Guardia! 1599 01:31:42,092 --> 01:31:43,571 What's the matter with him? 1600 01:31:43,652 --> 01:31:46,246 -Probably your play put him to sleep. -What? 1601 01:31:46,332 --> 01:31:50,245 -I personally like it very much. -It's probably over his head. 1602 01:31:50,572 --> 01:31:53,450 -Where have I seen that face before? -No, please. 1603 01:31:55,572 --> 01:31:58,484 The scene changes. It's an evolving stage. 1604 01:31:58,572 --> 01:32:00,767 I'm walking along my beat, casual-like... 1605 01:32:00,852 --> 01:32:04,003 ...when a guy that I'm following, it turns out he's following me! 1606 01:32:04,092 --> 01:32:05,081 (Knock on door) 1607 01:32:05,172 --> 01:32:07,527 Don't let nobody in. I figures I'll outsmart him. 1608 01:32:07,612 --> 01:32:09,364 PAT: There's a vacant house on the corner. 1609 01:32:09,452 --> 01:32:11,090 Johnny, the cops! 1610 01:32:11,172 --> 01:32:13,891 PAT: I sees the door handle turn, so I pulls out my gun... 1611 01:32:13,972 --> 01:32:16,327 ...braces myself against the wall and I says: 1612 01:32:16,412 --> 01:32:17,401 "Come in! " 1613 01:32:21,372 --> 01:32:22,771 Hello, boys. 1614 01:32:23,212 --> 01:32:26,807 -What the Sam Hill's going on? -Sarge, this is Mortimer Brewster. 1615 01:32:26,892 --> 01:32:30,089 -He's going to help me write my play. -Do you have to tie him up? 1616 01:32:30,172 --> 01:32:32,049 BROPHY: Report in. Why didn't you ring in? 1617 01:32:32,132 --> 01:32:34,202 The whole force is out looking for you. 1618 01:32:34,292 --> 01:32:37,284 Right in the middle of the second act. Did they send you here? 1619 01:32:37,372 --> 01:32:39,124 No, we came to warn the old ladies. 1620 01:32:39,212 --> 01:32:40,725 The colonel blew that bugle again. 1621 01:32:40,812 --> 01:32:41,961 PAT: I heard him. 1622 01:32:42,052 --> 01:32:45,089 BROPHY: Neighbors are phoning in. The Lieutenant's on the warpath. 1623 01:32:45,172 --> 01:32:47,447 He says we've got to put him away someplace. 1624 01:32:47,572 --> 01:32:49,051 Now, who the heck is this? 1625 01:32:49,132 --> 01:32:51,805 Mr. Brewster's brother. My play put him to sleep. 1626 01:32:51,892 --> 01:32:54,804 That's the one that ran away. So he came back. 1627 01:32:55,052 --> 01:32:56,531 Brophy. Get me Mac. 1628 01:32:56,692 --> 01:33:00,128 Have you got yourself in a mess! You're two hours overdue at the station. 1629 01:33:00,412 --> 01:33:02,607 I better let them know that I found you. 1630 01:33:02,692 --> 01:33:04,410 PAT: It wasn't that bad, was it? 1631 01:33:05,692 --> 01:33:09,571 Tell the Lieutenant he can call off the big manhunt. We found him. 1632 01:33:09,852 --> 01:33:12,241 At the Brewster house. 1633 01:33:12,332 --> 01:33:14,448 Shall we bring him in? 1634 01:33:14,652 --> 01:33:16,882 All right, we'll hold him right here. 1635 01:33:18,532 --> 01:33:21,000 The Lieutenant is on his way over. 1636 01:33:21,412 --> 01:33:23,926 So I've been turned in? 1637 01:33:24,492 --> 01:33:27,052 All right, you've got me. 1638 01:33:27,892 --> 01:33:31,931 I suppose you and my stool-pigeon brother will split the reward. 1639 01:33:32,052 --> 01:33:33,167 Yes, reward! 1640 01:33:33,252 --> 01:33:35,083 JONATHAN: Now I'll do some turning in! 1641 01:33:35,212 --> 01:33:36,804 PAT: Wait a minute, Mr. Brewster. 1642 01:33:36,892 --> 01:33:40,282 You think my aunts are sweet, charming old ladies, don't you? 1643 01:33:40,372 --> 01:33:43,523 Well, there's 13 bodies buried in the cellar! 1644 01:33:44,012 --> 01:33:44,967 Yes, 13. 1645 01:33:45,052 --> 01:33:47,805 BROPHY: Careful what you say. Your aunts are our friends. 1646 01:33:47,892 --> 01:33:50,804 JONATHAN: I'll show them to you. BROPHY: Don't make trouble! 1647 01:33:50,892 --> 01:33:53,122 Never mind, Mr. Brewster. Leave him to me. 1648 01:33:53,212 --> 01:33:55,680 JONATHAN: Come down to the cellar. PAT: Wait a minute. 1649 01:33:55,772 --> 01:33:58,332 Thirteen bodies. I'll show you where they're buried. 1650 01:33:58,932 --> 01:34:01,366 -Go to the cellar with him. -Yes, come to the cellar. 1651 01:34:01,452 --> 01:34:03,090 PAT: Well, look, do I have to? 1652 01:34:04,212 --> 01:34:06,442 Maybe I don't want to go down to the cellar. 1653 01:34:06,532 --> 01:34:08,568 Go on down the cellar with him! 1654 01:34:08,652 --> 01:34:11,883 Now, please. I'll tell you the rest of my play later. 1655 01:34:12,052 --> 01:34:13,929 BROPHY: Go on down the cellar with him. 1656 01:34:14,012 --> 01:34:15,081 Do I have to? 1657 01:34:15,212 --> 01:34:17,680 Look at that puss. He looks like Boris Karloff. 1658 01:34:17,772 --> 01:34:18,966 PAT: Don't! Sarge! 1659 01:34:25,572 --> 01:34:26,891 BROPHY: Look out, Pat! 1660 01:34:31,732 --> 01:34:33,882 BROPHY: Look out! SAUNDERS: He's got a gun. 1661 01:34:34,492 --> 01:34:36,767 BROPHY: I got him, Pat. Look out! 1662 01:34:37,132 --> 01:34:39,009 Fight. Go on and fight. 1663 01:34:43,532 --> 01:34:46,410 That's enough, that's enough. Everybody off. 1664 01:34:49,412 --> 01:34:50,686 BROPHY: Pat, look out! 1665 01:34:50,772 --> 01:34:51,887 Amazing. 1666 01:34:51,972 --> 01:34:55,442 (Crashing and fighting) 1667 01:34:57,492 --> 01:34:59,801 Such a fine day, too. 1668 01:34:59,892 --> 01:35:03,726 All I did was cross the bridge and I was in Brooklyn. Amazing. 1669 01:35:09,292 --> 01:35:10,611 Don't bother me now. 1670 01:35:10,692 --> 01:35:12,648 You could use this in the third act. 1671 01:35:12,732 --> 01:35:15,200 PAT: I got something better. Let me tell you-- 1672 01:35:15,852 --> 01:35:17,251 I'll see you later. 1673 01:35:20,772 --> 01:35:23,570 The papers are all signed. What do I care? 1674 01:35:23,892 --> 01:35:25,371 Go ahead, fight. 1675 01:35:31,732 --> 01:35:34,485 I'd better call and see if Witherspoon has left. 1676 01:35:35,492 --> 01:35:36,561 Telephone. 1677 01:35:37,652 --> 01:35:39,210 I'll get every one of you! 1678 01:35:39,292 --> 01:35:42,284 I hate cops. I'll brain the first one that comes near me! 1679 01:35:42,372 --> 01:35:45,409 A little higher, brother. Thank you very much. That's fine. 1680 01:35:46,052 --> 01:35:47,405 Don't do that, please. 1681 01:35:47,492 --> 01:35:48,686 Get him, Pat. 1682 01:35:49,132 --> 01:35:51,771 That won't have any effect. I've tried it before-- 1683 01:35:51,852 --> 01:35:53,126 It did. Isn't that amazing? 1684 01:35:55,572 --> 01:35:58,291 Oh, dear. Wish I could relax like that. 1685 01:35:58,452 --> 01:35:59,441 (Doorbell rings) 1686 01:36:00,012 --> 01:36:01,968 MORTIMER: Witherspoon. BROPHY: Come in. 1687 01:36:15,492 --> 01:36:17,130 What has occurred? 1688 01:36:17,212 --> 01:36:19,806 Never mind! Didn't I tell you I'd handle this? 1689 01:36:20,052 --> 01:36:21,280 Well, Lieutenant! 1690 01:36:21,372 --> 01:36:24,967 -We were just acting in self-defense. -What happened? He put up a fight? 1691 01:36:25,052 --> 01:36:27,282 This isn't the one who blows the bugle. 1692 01:36:27,372 --> 01:36:31,809 -This is his brother who tried to kill O'Hara. -All I said was he looked like Boris Karloff. 1693 01:36:31,892 --> 01:36:33,769 Boris.... Turn him over. 1694 01:36:37,452 --> 01:36:39,807 Kind of think he's wanted somewhere. 1695 01:36:40,092 --> 01:36:42,560 You "kind of think he's wanted somewhere"? 1696 01:36:42,812 --> 01:36:45,849 If you guys can't look at the circulars we put up... 1697 01:36:46,092 --> 01:36:48,401 ...you can at least read short detective stories. 1698 01:36:48,492 --> 01:36:50,483 Certainly, he's wanted. In lndiana! 1699 01:36:50,572 --> 01:36:53,882 He escaped from the prison for criminally insane. He's a lifer. 1700 01:36:53,972 --> 01:36:55,166 That's my brother. 1701 01:36:55,252 --> 01:36:59,086 That's the way they described him. "He looked like Karloff." 1702 01:36:59,572 --> 01:37:00,925 Why'd you knock him out? 1703 01:37:01,012 --> 01:37:04,243 He tried to get us to go to the cellar. He says 13 bodies are there. 1704 01:37:04,332 --> 01:37:05,765 Thirteen bodies in the cellar... 1705 01:37:05,852 --> 01:37:08,844 ...and that don't tip you off the guy's from a nuthouse? 1706 01:37:08,932 --> 01:37:10,081 Thanks, pal. 1707 01:37:10,212 --> 01:37:12,203 PAT: About my not ringing in, I want to-- 1708 01:37:12,292 --> 01:37:14,522 Where have you been all night? Don't tell me. 1709 01:37:14,612 --> 01:37:18,002 I was right here writing a play with Mortimer Brewster. 1710 01:37:18,132 --> 01:37:20,851 You're going to have a long time on that play. 1711 01:37:21,012 --> 01:37:22,445 You're suspended. 1712 01:37:22,532 --> 01:37:24,170 Now go on. Report in. 1713 01:37:24,252 --> 01:37:27,244 Bring him to and find out where his accomplice is. 1714 01:37:27,332 --> 01:37:29,721 The guy who helped him escape. He's wanted, too. 1715 01:37:29,812 --> 01:37:30,801 Here. 1716 01:37:30,892 --> 01:37:34,726 ROONEY: I've been after these guys for 48 hours. Nothing to eat. No sleep. 1717 01:37:34,812 --> 01:37:36,689 No wonder Brooklyn's in the shape it's in. 1718 01:37:36,772 --> 01:37:39,969 With flatheads like you on the force. Falling for a story like that! 1719 01:37:40,052 --> 01:37:41,883 Thirteen bodies buried in the cellar. 1720 01:37:42,052 --> 01:37:44,327 But there are 13 bodies in the cellar! 1721 01:37:45,292 --> 01:37:47,760 -Who are you? -I'm President Roosevelt. 1722 01:37:49,452 --> 01:37:52,922 -(Whispers) What the blazes is this? -He's the one that blows the bugle. 1723 01:37:53,212 --> 01:37:54,725 Howdy, Colonel. 1724 01:37:58,292 --> 01:38:01,648 Colonel, you've blown your last bugle. Get this guy out of here. 1725 01:38:01,852 --> 01:38:04,127 Dear me! Another yellow-fever victim? 1726 01:38:04,572 --> 01:38:07,086 All the bodies in the cellar are yellow-fever victims. 1727 01:38:07,172 --> 01:38:10,448 No, Colonel. This is a spy. We caught him at the White House. 1728 01:38:10,532 --> 01:38:13,000 Take him out and bring him to. I want to question him. 1729 01:38:13,092 --> 01:38:16,607 -Questioning of spies is my department. -Hey, you, keep out of that. 1730 01:38:16,932 --> 01:38:20,845 You're forgetting that as President I am also head of the Secret Service. 1731 01:38:28,612 --> 01:38:30,091 MORTIMER: No, no, no. 1732 01:38:30,612 --> 01:38:31,931 ROONEY: Who are you? 1733 01:38:32,452 --> 01:38:33,601 What's your name? 1734 01:38:33,692 --> 01:38:36,490 Usually, I'm Mortimer Brewster. But I'm not myself today. 1735 01:38:36,572 --> 01:38:40,451 You're his brother. Look, no argument. He's got to be put away. 1736 01:38:40,572 --> 01:38:45,088 No arguments, Captain. No arguments. Just a minute, take it easy. Read this. 1737 01:38:45,172 --> 01:38:47,049 Teddy's going to go to Happy Dale tonight. 1738 01:38:47,132 --> 01:38:50,329 -I'm waiting for Mr. Witherspoon. -As long as he's going someplace. 1739 01:38:50,412 --> 01:38:52,528 He's scaring the neighbors with that bugle. 1740 01:38:52,612 --> 01:38:55,922 And that cockeyed story about 13 bodies being-- 1741 01:39:04,212 --> 01:39:07,488 I've been without sleep for 48 hours. I'm liable to think anything. 1742 01:39:07,572 --> 01:39:09,483 I know just how you feel. 1743 01:39:09,652 --> 01:39:11,802 There's people dumb enough to believe that. 1744 01:39:11,892 --> 01:39:14,964 Last year there was a crazy guy, started a murder rumor. 1745 01:39:15,092 --> 01:39:17,652 I had to dig up a half acre plot before I could prove-- 1746 01:39:17,732 --> 01:39:19,609 -What's this? -What's the matter? 1747 01:39:19,692 --> 01:39:21,410 -These papers aren't any good. -Why not? 1748 01:39:21,492 --> 01:39:23,960 He signed it Theodore Roosevelt! 1749 01:39:28,772 --> 01:39:32,003 -Is your taxi engaged? -Losing dough every minute. Any offers? 1750 01:39:32,132 --> 01:39:36,125 I'm Mr. Witherspoon of Happy Dale Sanitarium, I have come to get a Brewster. 1751 01:39:36,212 --> 01:39:39,249 I would like you to drive us back to the sanitarium. 1752 01:39:40,492 --> 01:39:43,086 I knew this would end up in a nuthouse! 1753 01:39:44,532 --> 01:39:47,569 We like to think of it as a rest home. 1754 01:39:50,852 --> 01:39:52,843 (Overlapping background conversation) 1755 01:39:58,052 --> 01:39:59,770 MR. WITHERSPOON: Mr. Brewster? 1756 01:40:02,732 --> 01:40:04,882 MR. WITHERSPOON: Mr. Witherspoon is here. 1757 01:40:08,132 --> 01:40:11,920 Supposing the spy steals this document and finds the name Roosevelt on it. 1758 01:40:12,052 --> 01:40:15,010 Think what that would mean to the safety of the nation! 1759 01:40:15,092 --> 01:40:17,560 -No, it's chicanery. -What is this? Come on! 1760 01:40:17,652 --> 01:40:20,769 -He's come to. He's ready to talk. -Hold him till I get there. 1761 01:40:20,852 --> 01:40:24,367 Let me explain. The name Brewster is code for Roosevelt. 1762 01:40:24,772 --> 01:40:26,967 -Code for Roosevelt? -Take the name Brewster. 1763 01:40:27,052 --> 01:40:29,122 Take away the "B" and what have you got? 1764 01:40:29,212 --> 01:40:31,487 -Rooster. -And what does a rooster do? 1765 01:40:31,572 --> 01:40:34,882 -Crows. -It crows! Where do you hunt in Africa? 1766 01:40:35,052 --> 01:40:37,247 -On the veldt! -There you are! "Crowsveldt." 1767 01:40:37,332 --> 01:40:40,529 Ingenious! My compliments to the boys in the code department. 1768 01:40:40,612 --> 01:40:42,682 That's all right! Do that again for me. 1769 01:40:42,772 --> 01:40:45,286 Never mind! Give me that pen. 1770 01:40:46,052 --> 01:40:47,565 This is fun. 1771 01:40:47,932 --> 01:40:50,241 Now, all I got to get is Witherspoon. 1772 01:40:56,812 --> 01:40:58,564 I'm so glad to see you. 1773 01:40:58,692 --> 01:41:00,364 Mr. Witherspoon, before.... 1774 01:41:00,492 --> 01:41:02,289 You will take good care of Teddy? 1775 01:41:02,372 --> 01:41:04,647 -Best of care of him. -That's fine. 1776 01:41:04,772 --> 01:41:06,524 And no wagon when he leaves. 1777 01:41:06,612 --> 01:41:08,648 Why? To take him away? Never, never. 1778 01:41:08,732 --> 01:41:11,451 Taxicabs. We always.... I have one waiting now. 1779 01:41:11,572 --> 01:41:13,085 It means a great deal to me. 1780 01:41:13,172 --> 01:41:16,130 You will personally see that Teddy's happy at Happy Dale? 1781 01:41:16,212 --> 01:41:18,567 -He'll be very happy at Happy Dale. -That's good. 1782 01:41:18,652 --> 01:41:21,644 You know, I sometimes envy some of our patients, secretly. 1783 01:41:21,732 --> 01:41:24,849 You do? It must be a nice place. I've never been there. 1784 01:41:24,932 --> 01:41:26,843 You never can tell. 1785 01:41:27,212 --> 01:41:30,090 This is a particularly happy moment for me tonight. 1786 01:41:30,172 --> 01:41:33,960 -I've never met a dramatic critic before. -The woods are full of them. 1787 01:41:34,052 --> 01:41:37,488 I have here something that will explain what we're trying to do. 1788 01:41:37,572 --> 01:41:40,962 -A pamphlet about Happy Dale? -No, it's a play. 1789 01:41:41,092 --> 01:41:42,764 Something I've been working on. 1790 01:41:42,852 --> 01:41:46,447 It's a dramatization of many incidents that have happened at Happy Dale. 1791 01:41:46,532 --> 01:41:48,124 MORTIMER: Captain! Captain! 1792 01:41:49,412 --> 01:41:53,769 I want you to read this carefully. I want you to be just as harsh as you like. 1793 01:41:53,852 --> 01:41:55,205 I shan't mind, you know-- 1794 01:41:55,292 --> 01:41:57,601 Captain, this is Mr. Witherspoon. 1795 01:41:58,052 --> 01:41:59,531 Oh, yes, yes. 1796 01:42:00,132 --> 01:42:02,009 He'll be very happy at Happy Dale. 1797 01:42:02,092 --> 01:42:04,003 -Come, my boy. -What is this? 1798 01:42:05,492 --> 01:42:08,723 No, you got it wrong. This is Captain Rooney. 1799 01:42:08,932 --> 01:42:10,524 The police? 1800 01:42:11,892 --> 01:42:15,805 I'm sure! Here are the papers, all signed. Now you can take him away. 1801 01:42:15,892 --> 01:42:18,008 I'll be in my office vetoing some bills. 1802 01:42:18,092 --> 01:42:20,367 MORTIMER: Mr. President, I have good news for you. 1803 01:42:20,452 --> 01:42:22,761 Your term of office is over. 1804 01:42:23,612 --> 01:42:26,046 -Is this March 4? -Practically. 1805 01:42:26,132 --> 01:42:27,406 Let's see.... 1806 01:42:29,612 --> 01:42:31,842 Now I go on my hunting trip to Africa! 1807 01:42:31,972 --> 01:42:34,532 Well, I must get started immediately. 1808 01:42:40,492 --> 01:42:43,609 Is he trying to move into the White House before I've moved out? 1809 01:42:43,692 --> 01:42:45,444 Who, Mr. President? 1810 01:42:45,532 --> 01:42:46,362 Taft! 1811 01:42:49,492 --> 01:42:54,361 No, this isn't Mr. Taft. It's Mr. Witherspoon, your guide to Africa. 1812 01:42:54,692 --> 01:42:56,091 Bully! Bully! 1813 01:42:56,252 --> 01:42:58,766 Wait right here. I'll bring down my equipment. 1814 01:42:58,852 --> 01:42:59,887 Happy man. 1815 01:43:00,132 --> 01:43:02,123 Goodbye, Aunt Abby, Aunt Martha. 1816 01:43:02,212 --> 01:43:04,885 I'm on my way to Africa. Isn't it wonderful? 1817 01:43:04,972 --> 01:43:06,007 Charge! 1818 01:43:08,452 --> 01:43:10,488 MORTIMER: It's all right, I've got it. 1819 01:43:11,532 --> 01:43:12,442 Oh, dear. 1820 01:43:12,932 --> 01:43:15,810 And Happy Dale is full of staircases. 1821 01:43:20,692 --> 01:43:23,331 You've come to meet Teddy, haven't you? 1822 01:43:23,412 --> 01:43:27,087 ROONEY: No, he's come to take him. Teddy's been blowing his bugle again. 1823 01:43:27,172 --> 01:43:30,323 No, he can't go now! We won't permit it. 1824 01:43:30,452 --> 01:43:32,841 We promise to take his bugle away from him. 1825 01:43:32,932 --> 01:43:36,163 -We won't be separated from Teddy. -I'm sorry. 1826 01:43:36,572 --> 01:43:37,561 Mortimer.... 1827 01:43:37,692 --> 01:43:39,808 How can you allow this? You promised. 1828 01:43:39,892 --> 01:43:43,089 Brewster's got nothing to do with this. The law is the law! 1829 01:43:43,212 --> 01:43:45,726 Teddy's committed himself and he's got to go. 1830 01:43:46,572 --> 01:43:51,566 ABBY: lf he's going, we're going, too! MARTHA: You'll have to take us with him. 1831 01:43:52,452 --> 01:43:54,602 Why not? Why not, indeed? 1832 01:43:55,252 --> 01:43:57,891 MR. WITHERSPOON: It's sweet of them, but impossible. 1833 01:43:58,092 --> 01:44:00,128 We never take sane people at Happy Dale. 1834 01:44:01,452 --> 01:44:02,851 Oh, no...no. 1835 01:44:04,372 --> 01:44:08,524 These little sane people will get lost in the shuffle. You could arrange that. 1836 01:44:08,612 --> 01:44:11,490 Just put them in and they'll get all mixed up. 1837 01:44:11,732 --> 01:44:14,007 Too dangerous. Dissension, jealousy. 1838 01:44:17,092 --> 01:44:19,401 ROONEY: Now, let's be sensible, ladies. 1839 01:44:19,532 --> 01:44:22,763 Here I am wasting my time when I could be doing some serious work. 1840 01:44:22,852 --> 01:44:25,241 There are still murders to be solved in Brooklyn. 1841 01:44:25,332 --> 01:44:28,483 It ain't only his bugle blowing. Things are going to get worse. 1842 01:44:28,572 --> 01:44:31,211 We're liable to have to dig up your cellar. 1843 01:44:31,292 --> 01:44:32,566 Our cellar? 1844 01:44:33,772 --> 01:44:37,287 Teddy's been telling around there's 13 bodies buried in the cellar. 1845 01:44:37,372 --> 01:44:39,727 There are 13 bodies in our cellar. 1846 01:44:45,412 --> 01:44:46,208 What? 1847 01:44:46,292 --> 01:44:49,648 Yes. You just ask our nephew, Mortimer. 1848 01:44:54,652 --> 01:44:55,641 Charge! 1849 01:45:01,812 --> 01:45:03,245 Isn't that amazing? 1850 01:45:04,452 --> 01:45:05,965 ABBY: You behave yourself. 1851 01:45:06,052 --> 01:45:09,124 You know very well there are 13 bodies down in our cellar. 1852 01:45:09,212 --> 01:45:11,362 Certainly there's 13 bodies in the cellar. 1853 01:45:11,452 --> 01:45:15,161 And there are hundreds more up in the attic, Captain! 1854 01:45:19,372 --> 01:45:21,602 -What is this? -You mustn't mind Mortimer. 1855 01:45:21,692 --> 01:45:23,603 -How about it? -I'll be right there. 1856 01:45:23,692 --> 01:45:25,523 He's been a little strange all day. 1857 01:45:25,612 --> 01:45:29,241 Right now I wouldn't know what is and what ain't strange anymore. 1858 01:45:29,332 --> 01:45:32,210 -I'll look in that cellar. -I'll tell you what we'll do. 1859 01:45:32,292 --> 01:45:35,682 I'll bring my bodies from the attic and you get yours from the cellar... 1860 01:45:35,772 --> 01:45:40,482 ...and we'll get them all together, and we'll send them to Happy Dale. 1861 01:45:42,372 --> 01:45:46,001 ABBY: No, you wouldn't have to dig. The graves are all marked. 1862 01:45:46,412 --> 01:45:49,324 -We put flowers on them every Sunday. -Flowers? 1863 01:45:49,412 --> 01:45:51,926 Sure, I put neon lights on mine. 1864 01:45:53,692 --> 01:45:55,330 Humor them, humor them. 1865 01:45:56,052 --> 01:45:57,007 Smile. 1866 01:45:59,412 --> 01:46:01,687 There's one down there, a Mr. Spenalzo... 1867 01:46:01,772 --> 01:46:02,921 Hasn't got it yet. 1868 01:46:03,012 --> 01:46:05,287 ...who doesn't belong here and has to leave. 1869 01:46:05,372 --> 01:46:09,126 -But the other 12 are our gentlemen. -Your gentlemen? 1870 01:46:09,212 --> 01:46:12,090 You'd like mine better. None of mine are gentlemen. 1871 01:46:13,252 --> 01:46:15,766 -You mustn't mind him at all. -He got married today. 1872 01:46:15,852 --> 01:46:19,162 (Sings) "There is a Happy Dale far, far away 1873 01:46:19,252 --> 01:46:21,208 "There is a Happy" 1874 01:46:22,052 --> 01:46:23,531 Yeah, yeah. 1875 01:46:25,372 --> 01:46:27,328 He got it. It's amazing. 1876 01:46:27,932 --> 01:46:30,366 Don't you think you can find room for the ladies? 1877 01:46:30,452 --> 01:46:31,805 Just the ladies? 1878 01:46:33,372 --> 01:46:35,090 Just the ladies! 1879 01:46:36,012 --> 01:46:38,526 -How about it? -They'd have to be committed. 1880 01:46:38,812 --> 01:46:42,600 Teddy committed himself. Couldn't they? All they have to do is sign the papers. 1881 01:46:42,692 --> 01:46:44,011 Certainly. 1882 01:46:44,092 --> 01:46:47,129 If we can go with Teddy, we'll sign the papers. 1883 01:46:47,212 --> 01:46:48,201 Where are they? 1884 01:46:48,292 --> 01:46:50,601 MR. WITHERSPOON: I have them, ladies, right here. 1885 01:46:50,692 --> 01:46:53,684 Sign them up, will you? I want this all cleaned up. 1886 01:46:53,812 --> 01:46:57,282 I'm going out to talk to that spy. Maybe I can understand him. 1887 01:46:57,372 --> 01:46:59,044 Thirteen bodies in the cellar. 1888 01:46:59,132 --> 01:47:01,362 MR. WITHERSPOON: Ladies, if you'll sign right here. 1889 01:47:12,052 --> 01:47:13,451 ABBY: Here? MR. WITHERSPOON: Yes. 1890 01:47:13,532 --> 01:47:15,807 MR. WITHERSPOON: It's on the right-hand side there. 1891 01:47:15,892 --> 01:47:18,122 I'm really looking forward to going. 1892 01:47:18,212 --> 01:47:20,521 The neighborhood here has changed so. 1893 01:47:20,652 --> 01:47:23,803 Yes. Especially since they won that old pennant thing. 1894 01:47:26,772 --> 01:47:29,332 Oh, dear, I'm so sorry. We've overlooked something. 1895 01:47:29,412 --> 01:47:32,848 It's absolutely compulsory that we have the signature of a physician. 1896 01:47:32,932 --> 01:47:34,047 MORTIMER: A doctor. 1897 01:47:34,172 --> 01:47:36,732 Dr. Einstein! Come here and sign some papers, please. 1898 01:47:36,812 --> 01:47:38,803 DR. EINSTEIN: Good night. MORTIMER: Come here. 1899 01:47:38,892 --> 01:47:40,086 -A doctor? -Yes. 1900 01:47:40,212 --> 01:47:43,761 Dr. Einstein almost operated on me earlier. Come along, Doctor. 1901 01:47:45,852 --> 01:47:48,286 Now, here. Just sign right here, please, Doctor. 1902 01:47:48,372 --> 01:47:51,284 ABBY: Were you leaving, Doctor? DR. EINSTEIN: Yes, please. 1903 01:47:51,372 --> 01:47:53,966 Aren't you going to wait for Jonathan? 1904 01:47:54,092 --> 01:47:56,890 I don't think we go to the same place. 1905 01:47:57,092 --> 01:48:00,562 ROONEY: Hello, Mac. We picked up that guy that's wanted in lndiana. 1906 01:48:00,652 --> 01:48:03,644 His accomplice's description is on the circular, on the desk. 1907 01:48:03,732 --> 01:48:04,767 Read it to me, will you? 1908 01:48:07,252 --> 01:48:08,446 About 40. 1909 01:48:08,932 --> 01:48:10,411 Five-foot-three. 1910 01:48:10,732 --> 01:48:12,245 One hundred and forty pounds. 1911 01:48:12,892 --> 01:48:14,166 Pop eyes. 1912 01:48:15,652 --> 01:48:17,643 Talks with a German accent. 1913 01:48:17,972 --> 01:48:19,405 Poses as a doctor. 1914 01:48:19,612 --> 01:48:21,091 Okay, Mac. Thanks. 1915 01:48:21,212 --> 01:48:24,363 It's all right. The doctor has completed the signatures. 1916 01:48:24,492 --> 01:48:25,686 That's great! 1917 01:48:25,852 --> 01:48:29,242 Thanks, Doc. You've done Brooklyn a great service. 1918 01:48:34,212 --> 01:48:36,009 ABBY: But Dr. Einstein! 1919 01:48:39,332 --> 01:48:42,642 -Now, Mr. Witherspoon-- -You're Witherspoon, I'm Brewster. 1920 01:48:42,772 --> 01:48:45,366 It's contagious, yes. It's your turn. 1921 01:48:45,732 --> 01:48:47,768 -Don't play games-- -You sign. 1922 01:48:47,892 --> 01:48:49,928 You sign as next of kin. 1923 01:48:50,292 --> 01:48:53,682 Why didn't you say so? I'm all confused. Don't mind me. 1924 01:48:55,532 --> 01:48:56,806 Mr. Witherport. 1925 01:48:57,252 --> 01:48:59,083 -Spoon. -Here. 1926 01:48:59,692 --> 01:49:01,011 Come up and pack my duffel. 1927 01:49:03,292 --> 01:49:04,441 Duffel? 1928 01:49:04,532 --> 01:49:07,092 Pack his duffel. He's President, you know? 1929 01:49:07,452 --> 01:49:09,363 TEDDY: And bring along my bugle. 1930 01:49:11,132 --> 01:49:12,247 President. 1931 01:49:21,172 --> 01:49:22,491 Don't charge! 1932 01:49:32,052 --> 01:49:33,531 Mortimer? 1933 01:49:35,172 --> 01:49:38,130 We're really very worried about something. 1934 01:49:38,892 --> 01:49:41,486 Now, darling, don't be worried. 1935 01:49:41,972 --> 01:49:45,044 -Me too, Mortimer. -Well, of course, darling. 1936 01:49:45,892 --> 01:49:47,883 You'll both be very happy at Happy Dale. 1937 01:49:47,972 --> 01:49:52,170 We're very happy about the whole thing, but that's just it. 1938 01:49:52,492 --> 01:49:54,642 We don't want anything to go wrong. 1939 01:49:56,492 --> 01:49:59,165 Will they investigate those signatures? 1940 01:50:00,172 --> 01:50:03,960 -They won't look up Dr. Einstein-- -But it's not his signature, dear. 1941 01:50:04,092 --> 01:50:05,923 -It's yours. -Mine? 1942 01:50:06,012 --> 01:50:09,129 You see, you signed as next of kin. 1943 01:50:09,412 --> 01:50:13,451 -What's wrong about that, darling? -Martha, you tell him. 1944 01:50:15,492 --> 01:50:16,766 Well, dear. 1945 01:50:16,852 --> 01:50:20,606 -What, dear? -You're not really a Brewster. 1946 01:50:21,932 --> 01:50:24,366 -What? -Your mother came to us as a cook. 1947 01:50:24,492 --> 01:50:26,722 And you were born about three months afterwards. 1948 01:50:26,812 --> 01:50:29,645 And she was such a sweet woman and such a good cook... 1949 01:50:29,732 --> 01:50:33,168 ...we didn't want to lose her. So brother married her. 1950 01:50:33,412 --> 01:50:35,403 Your real father was a cook, too. 1951 01:50:35,532 --> 01:50:38,569 He was a chef on a tramp steamer. 1952 01:50:40,652 --> 01:50:41,641 You mean.... 1953 01:50:41,812 --> 01:50:44,963 You mean I'm not really a Brewster? 1954 01:50:46,892 --> 01:50:49,406 -Darling! -Don't feel so badly about it. 1955 01:50:49,532 --> 01:50:52,524 I'm sure it won't make any difference to Elaine. 1956 01:50:53,852 --> 01:50:55,843 (Mortimer squeals) 1957 01:50:59,852 --> 01:51:01,126 MORTIMER: (Shouts) Elaine! 1958 01:51:01,212 --> 01:51:04,170 Where are you? Can you hear me? I'm not really a Brewster! 1959 01:51:04,252 --> 01:51:06,049 I'm the son of a sea cook! 1960 01:51:06,692 --> 01:51:07,681 (Elaine screams) 1961 01:51:09,852 --> 01:51:11,444 ELAINE: Mortimer! 1962 01:51:12,252 --> 01:51:14,368 It's true! I saw them. It's true. 1963 01:51:14,492 --> 01:51:17,006 It's true! There are 13 bodies down there! 1964 01:51:17,172 --> 01:51:18,844 But I saw them-- 1965 01:51:20,372 --> 01:51:21,885 What's all this screaming about? 1966 01:51:21,972 --> 01:51:25,009 -But I saw them-- -It's way past her bedtime. 1967 01:51:26,492 --> 01:51:27,607 MORTIMER: Quiet! 1968 01:51:31,052 --> 01:51:33,168 ELAINE: But, Mortimer-- MORTIMER: Goodbye! 1969 01:51:33,252 --> 01:51:35,482 ABBY: 'Bye. MARTHA: Goodbye, darling! 1970 01:51:37,532 --> 01:51:40,649 -What is all this? -They're going on their honeymoon. 1971 01:51:41,052 --> 01:51:43,008 They're off to a flying start. 1972 01:51:49,292 --> 01:51:50,691 ELAINE: I really did see-- 1973 01:51:51,292 --> 01:51:53,328 You'll own two cabs! 1974 01:51:54,012 --> 01:51:56,128 I mean the meter! 1975 01:51:56,452 --> 01:51:57,965 ELAINE: Oh, Mortimer. 1976 01:52:04,652 --> 01:52:06,449 (lmitates Elaine) Oh, Mortimer. 1977 01:52:08,492 --> 01:52:10,881 We're going to Niagara Falls. Call me a cab, dear. 1978 01:52:10,972 --> 01:52:12,325 Yes, love. 1979 01:52:13,372 --> 01:52:14,930 But, Mr. Brewster! 1980 01:52:15,052 --> 01:52:18,283 I'm not a Brewster. I'm a son of a sea cook. 1981 01:52:19,172 --> 01:52:20,207 MORTIMER: Charge! 1982 01:52:22,132 --> 01:52:25,124 CAB DRIVER: I'm not a cabdriver. I'm a coffeepot!